UC-NRLF 


B    3    321    7M7 


VAN  ZORN 

A  COMEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS 


ED  WIN  ARLINGTON  ROBINSON 


VAN   ZORN 


THE  MACMILLAN  COMPANY 

NEW  YORK   •  BOSTON  •   CHICAGO   •  DALLAS 
ATLANTA   •   SAN  FRANCISCO 

MACMILLAN  &  CO.,  LIMITED 

LONDON   •  BOMBAY   •  CALCUTTA 
MELBOURNE 

THE  MACMILLAN  CO.  OF  CANADA,  LTD. 

TORONTO 


VAN   ZORN 


A  COMEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS 


BY 
EDWIN  ARLINGTON  ROBINSON 


Sforo  f  nrk 

THE  MACMILLAN  COMPANY 
1914 

All  rights  reserved 


COPYRIGHT,  1014 

BY  THE  MACMILLAN  COMPANY 
Set  up  and  electrotyped.     Published  September,  1914 

COPYRIGHT  IN  GREAT  BRITAIN, 
AH  acting  rights  reserved  by  the  author 


TO 

HERMANN  HAGEDORN 


VAN  ZORN 


CHARACTERS 

VAN  ZORN 
GEORGE  LUCAS 
WELDON  FARNHAM 
OTTO  MINK 
MRS.   LOVETT 
VILLA  VANNEVAR 
JENNY 


ACT  I 


UNIY,  OF 

CALIFORNIA 


ACT  I 

WELDON  FARNHAM'S  studio  in  Macdougal  Alley,  New  York.  In 
the  rear  is  a  long  window,  beneath  which  is  a  wide  cushioned 
seat,  extending  from  the  left  wall  to  a  vestibule  on  the  right, 
from  which  a  door,  front,  opens  into  the  studio.  The  door  is 
hidden  by  a  tall  screen.  Further  down  on  the  right  is  another 
door,  and  still  further  down  is  an  antique  cabinet,  upon  which 
rests  a  bust  of  Shakespeare.  To  the  left  of  the  cabinet,  well 
into  the  room,  is  a  table,  upon  which  are  a  few  books  and, 
among  other  objects,  an  ornamental  cigar  box  of  polished 
mahogany.  Half  way  down  the  left  wall,  which  is  built 
diagonally  into  the  stage,  cutting  of  about  one-third  of  the 
rear  wall,  is  an  open  grate  with  a  mantel.  Well  to  the  front, 
on  the  left,  is  an  upright  wheeling  easel,  upon  which  a  framed 
portrait  faces  the  rear.  There  are  several  chairs,  for  the  most 
part  plain  and  small;  but  one  of  them,  near  the  table,  to  the 
left,  is  large  and  comfortable. 

The  curtain  rises,  revealing  WELDON  FARNHAM  and  OTTO 
MINK.  FARNHAM  is  a  well-conditioned  and  well-satisfied 
man  of  thirty,  or  a  little  more,  with  a  certain  complacent 
hardness  about  his  face,  which  suggests  an  aggressiveness 
that  does  not  really  exist.  He  stands  surveying  OTTO,  a 
younger  man — short,  plump,  pink  and  loquacious — who  in 
turn  stands  surveying  the  picture  on  the  easel.  His  hands 
are  in  his  trousers  pockets,  and  he  stands  from  time  to  time 
on  the  tips  of  his  toes  during  the  process  of  his  scrutiny. 

FARNHAM 

[As  if  amused] 

Well,  Otto,  aren't  you  going  to  say  something? 
3 


•••4  '  '"•,  -VAN  ZORN 

OTTO 

[Slowly,  with  a  frown] 
So  this  is  Villa  Vannevar.* 

FARNHAM 
Not  exactly.   It's  a  picture  of  her. 

[Smiling] 

You  don't  care  for  it,  I  see. — Lucas  and  Petherick  think 
it's  rotten. 

OTTO 
Did  Lucas  say  that? 

FARNHAM 

[Still  amused] 
No,  but  he  smoked  it.    He  might  as  well  have  said  it, 

OTTO 

[Leaving  the  picture  and  lighting  a  cigarette] 
You  can't  always  tell  what  Old  Hundred  means — when 
he  doesn't  say  anything.     Or  when  he  does,  for  that 
matter. 

FARNHAM 

[Smiling] 
I'm  sorry,  Otto,  that  you  don't  like  the  picture. 

OTTO 

[Showing  his  teeth] 

There's  genius  in  it.     Is  that  what  you  wanted  me  to 
say? 

FARNHAM 

But  a  poor  likeness — eh? 
*  Pronounced  Vannee'-vr. 


ACT  I  5 

OTTO 

Likeness? — Farnham,  you  make  me  sick. 

[FARNHAM  scowls  quickly  and  laughs} 
I  beg  your  pardon,  but  you  do, — just  now,  I  mean. 

[With  a  sniff] 
You  and  your  pictures! 

FARNHAM 

[Laughing] 
Are  they  all  so  bad  as  that,  Otto? 

OTTO 
[Irritated] 

I  suppose  it's  you  that  I'm  talking  about,  not  your  pic 
tures. 

FARNHAM 
[With  patronage] 

You  don't  seem  to  be  improving  matters  very  much. 
What  have  /  done? 

OTTO 

[With  affectionate  disgust] 

You?    You  haven't  done  anything.    Destiny,  or  some 
thing  or  other,  has  done  it  for  you. 

FARNHAM 

[Laughing] 
But  I  don't  believe  much  in  destiny.    I  believe  in  work. 

OTTO 

You  didn't  work  very  hard  to  get  the  best  girl  in  New 
York. 


6  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 
If  I  didn't  know  you,  Otto,  I  might  be  offended. 

[Laughing] 
What's  the  matter  with  you  to-day,  anyhow? 

OTTO 

[With  all  sincerity] 

I  understand.  You  think  I'm  jealous,  but  I'm  no 
I'm  not  such  a  dam  fool. 

FARNHAM 
Otto,  don't  be  so  impulsive. 

[He  laughs] 

OTTO 
Impulsive?    You  don't  know  what  the  word  means. 

[With  a  grimace] 

You  might  at  least  look  glad,  or  say  something  foolii 
once  in  a  while, — just  to  let  a  fellow  know  that  you' 
human. 

FARNHAM 

[Seriously] 

I'll  take  back  a  part  of  what  I  said,  Otto.  There  rm 
be  a  large  element  of  destiny  in  my — we'll  say  my  ve 
great  good  fortune. 

[Laughing] 

But  I  wouldn't  say  as  much  as  that  to  Van  Zorn. 

OTTO 
Van  Zorn?    He's  a  fatalist,  isn't  he? 


ACT  I  7 

FARNHAM 

[Laughing] 

I  don't  know  just  what  he  is.    He's  the  best  man  living, 
and  he's  my  best  friend. 

OTTO 

[Cheerfully] 
And  he's  worth  about  how  many  millions? 

FARNHAM 

[With  animation] 

I  don't  know.    Twenty  or  twenty-five.    I  don't  care 
much  about  that  part  of  it. 

OTTO 
You  know,  Farnham,  I  believe  you  when  you  say  that. 

[Moving  to  the  Right] 

If  I  didn't,  I  shouldn't  hang  around  your  place  any  more. 
You  think  you  wouldn't  miss  me  if  I  didn't,  but  you 
would.  I'm  a  tender  shoot,  and  I'm  delicate,  and  you'll  be 
dam  sorry  when  I'm  dead. 

[OTTO  pauses  before  the  bust  of  Shakespeare,  looks  at  it  thoughtfully, 
places  his  hat  upon  it  carefully,  and  surveys  the  result  with 
satisfaction.  FARNHAM  watches  him  with  patronizing 
amusement.  Presently,  when  the  two  men  stand  looking  at 
each  other,  the  bell  rings] 

FARNHAM 

[Looking  at  his  watch] 
That  sounds  like  Lucas.    It  can't  be  Mrs.  Lovett — yet. 

OTTO 
It's  Old  Hundred,  I'll  bet  a  sequin.    Let  him  in. 


8  VAN  ZORN 

[FARNHAM  admits  GEORGE  LUCAS,  who  is  a  square-jawed  and 
somewhat  cadaverous  looking  man  of  thirty,  with  a  melancholy 
and  highly  intellectual  face.  His  clothes  are  well  kept,  but 
unmistakably  the  worse  for  wear,  and  there  is  a  whimsical- 
weariness  in  his  manner  that  might  be  suggestive  of  latent 
tragedy.  He  looks  at  FARNHAM  and  OTTO  as  if  he  expected 
them  to  say  something] 

OTTO 
Good  morning,  Phoebus-Apollo. 

LUCAS 

[With  a  benignant  smile] 
Good  morning. 

[To  FARNHAM,  half  quizzically] 
Good  morning. 
[He  looks  at  the  decorated  bust  of  Shakespeare,  and  then  at  OTTO. 

He  smiles  once  more  and  removes  his  hat,  which  FARNHAM 

takes  and  tosses  on  to  window-seat] 

OTTO 
Have  you  come  to  join  the  celebration? 

LUCAS 
Celebration  of  what? 

OTTO 

Oh,  I  don't  know.  You  take  your  choice.  You  might 
celebrate  the  publication  of  my  new  book,  or  you  might 
celebrate  the  rotation  of  the  planet  Neptune — on  his  axis. 
Or,  you  might  celebrate  the  engagement  of  our  friend 
Farnham  to  the  radiant  Miss  Villa  Vannevar. 


ACT  I  9 

[Motioning  towards  the  picture] 
There  she  is — or,  I  should  say,  a  picture  of  her. 

LUCAS 

[With  gathering  surprise  and  difficulty] 
I  have  seen  the  picture,  but  I  had  not  heard  of  the  en 
gagement. 

[Giving  his  hand  to  FARNHAM,  but  as  if  with  unconscious  reluctance] 
Farnham,  let  me  congratulate  you. 

FARNHAM 

[Taking  his  hand\ 
Thank  you,  Lucas. 

[As  LUCAS  goes  towards  the  picture] 

I  fear  that  some  of  us  get  rather  more  than  we  deserve  in 
this  life. 

LUCAS 

[Affecting  indifference] 
Oh,  I  don't  know  about  that. 

[Studying  the  picture] 
So  this  is  Villa  Vannevar. 

OTTO 

[Promptly,  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets] 
That's  what  7  said. 

FARNHAM 

[Comfortably] 

Your  congratulations  are  quite  enough,  Lucas.     You 
needn't  feel  obliged  to  praise  the  picture. 


10  VAN  ZORN 

LUCAS 
[Solemnly] 
I  wasn't  going  to  praise  the  picture. 

OTTO 

[Standing  on  his  toes  and  grinning  at  FARNHAM  with  satisfaction] 
"  Heaven  is  not  reached  with  a  single  bound."  You  can't 
have  everything  at  once,  Farnham,  even  if  you  are  a 
genius.  But  you  might  give  Lucas  a  drink,  and  you  might 
give  me  a  bottle  of  cold  beer. 

FARNHAM 

[Amused] 
In  the  morning,  Otto?    Isn't  this  something  new? 

OTTO 

[Nodding  at  the  bustl 

Shakespeare  did  it,  and  I  wish  to  do  everything  that 
Shakespeare  did — so  far  as  in  me  lies. 

FARNHAM 

[Laughing,  as  if  OTTO  were  a  child] 
Well,  all  right,  if  I've  got  it. 

[He  goes  out  at  the  right,  LUCAS  leaves  the  picture,  frowning  to 
himself,  and  returns  to  OTTO,  who  is  standing  near  the  corner 
of  the  vestibule.  OTTO  turns  LUCAS  gently  and  assists  him 
towards  the  cabinet,  from  which  LUCAS  takes  out  a  bottle  of 
whiskey  and  a  glass,  going  with  them  to  the  table  nearby. 
FARNHAM  returns  with  a  bottle  of  beer  and  a  glass] 

FARNHAM 

[After  a  look  at  LUCAS] 
Here  you  are,  Stratford. 


ACT  I  II 

[OTTO  goes  to  the  window  seat] 
Don't  you  want  some  water,  Lucas? 

LUCAS 
No,  thank  you.    It  won't  be  necessary. 

FARNHAM 

[With  mild  insistence] 
Better  for  the  heart. 

OTTO 

[Prying  the  cap  from  the  bottle] 
Lucas  hasn't  got  any  heart. 

[He  pours  out  a  glass  of  beer  with  care] 

Well,  Farnham,  you  man  of  iron,  morituri  salutamus.  I'm 
a  tender  shoot,  and  I  shan't  be  with  you  very  long.  Nei 
ther  will  Lucas,  if  he  doesn't  drink  some  water  one  of 
these  days. 

[There  is  a  sinister  note  in  his  last  words,  and  it  is  evidently  caught 
by  the  other  men] 

\  ; 

LUCAS 
[With  a  dry  flourish] 

Farnham,  you  are  a  man  of  parts,  and  once  more  I 
congratulate  you.  I'm  a  man  of  parts  myself,  as  a  matter 
of  fact,  but  some  of  my  parts  don't  exactly  fit,  and  as  a 
consequence 

[With  a  hard,  insincere  laugh} 

as  a  consequence,  I — I  rattle.    Your  health  and  happiness. 

[He  drinks,  and  shivers  a  little} 
And  now, 


12  VAN  ZORN 

[Exploring  the  table] 
If  you  will  give  me  a  small  cigar 

[He  takes  a  large  one  from  the  box] 
I'll  tell  you  what  a  great  man  you  are  going  to  be. 
[He  puts  back  the  bottle  and  moves  again  towards  the  picture] 

FARNHAM 

[Who  has  been  watching  LUCAS  with  a  patronizing  smile] 
And  now  if  you  two  fellows  will  kindly  make  yourselves 
at  home,  I'll  be  back  in  a  little  while.  I'm  going  over  to 
Petherick's  to  get  some  photographs  of  his  comical  bust 
of  Poe  for  Mrs  Lovett;  and  if  anyone  comes  in  while  I'm 
gone,  I'll  trust  you  two  to  be  agreeable. 

LUCAS 
[Nervously] 

But  what  does  this  mean,  Farnham?    If  you  expected 
visitors,  why  didn't  you  say  so? 

FARNHAM 

[Soothingly] 

They  are  coming  to  see  the  picture  in  its  new  frame. 

[Hesitating 

Of    course   you    remember    Mrs.    Lovett — and   Villa 
Vannevar? 

LUCAS 

[In  a  dry  voice] 

Yes,  I  remember  them.   Villa  Vannevar  and  I  used  to  be 
rather  good  friends. 

[Indifferently] 
But  I  doubt  if  Mrs  Lovett  remembers  me. 


ACT  I  13 

FARNHAM 

[At  the  door] 
She  must. 

LUCAS 

[Sitting  down] 
Why  do  you  say  that? 

FARNHAM 

She  must,— for  you  are  not  the  kind  that  women  forget. 
[He  laughs  and  goes  out,  and  LUCAS  follows  him  with  his  eyes. 
He  remains  for  a  time  as  if  in  retrospection] 

OTTO 

[From  the  window  seat,  after  a  pause] 
It  seems  to  me  that  Farnham  might  have  done  a  little 
better  than  that. 

[LUCAS  gives  him  a  quick  look] 

But  I  don't  know, 

[In  half  soliloquy] 

perhaps  he  couldn't,  after  all. 

[OTTO  studies  the  beer-bottle  as  if  it  were  a  rare  vase,  and  LUCAS, 
leaning  forward  on  his  chair,  rubs  his  fingers  together  thought 
fully. 

OTTO 
Phoebus, 

[LUCAS  looks  at  him] 
wake  up. 

LUCAS 
I  am  awake. 

OTTO 
The  devil  you  are. 


14  VAN  ZORN 

[Getting  up  and  stretching  himself] 

Let's  have  another  look  at  Farnham's  picture.    Petherick 
thinks  it's  rotten. 

[Mercifully] 
But  then,  Petherick's  a  sculptor. 

LUCAS 
[Drily] 
Can't  sculptors  tell  when  things  are  rotten? 

OTTO 
[Briskly] 

Apparently  not — if  we  are  to  judge  them  by  what  they 
have  done  for  our  fair  city. 

LUCAS 

[Rising  and  smiling] 
You  are  severe  this  morning,  Otto. 
[In  a  fatherly  way] 
I  hope  you  aren't  going  to  be  severe  with  me. 

OTTO 

[Looking  at  him  sharply] 
I  was  going  to  be — but  I  won't  now. 

[Frowning  before  the  picture\ 
So  this  is  Villa  Vannevar. 

LUCAS 

[Smiling] 
That's  what  7  said. 


ACT  I  15 

OTTO 

[Still  frowning] 
Mrs.  Weldon  Farnham. 

[Throwing  up  his  hands] 
Lucas,  I  can't  make  it  sound  right. 

LUCAS 
[Drily] 

What's  wrong  about  the  sound  of  it?    Farnham  is  a 
good  fellow,  isn't  he? 

OTTO 

[With  emphasis] 
He's  a  fine  fellow;  and  he's  one  of  his  own  best  friends. 

LUCAS 

[Smiling  grimly] 
Well,  that  makes  for  prudence — and  for  longevity. 

OTTO 

[Drily] 

Very  good  indeed.    What  do  you  think  of  this  picture, 
Phcebus,  anyhow? 

LUCAS 
It's  a  pretty  good  picture.    All  things  are  relative. 

OTTO 
[Promptly] 
Then  you  agree  with  Petherick. 

LUCAS 
Not  necessarily. 


1 6  VAN  ZORN 

[He  looks  around  him  uncomfortably] 
But  I  don't  believe,  Otto,  that  I'll  stay  here  any  longer. 

[OTTO  moves  toward  him] 
You  can  entertain  these  women  without  me. 

OTTO 

[Backing  LUCAS  into  his  chair] 

There!    You  try  that  for  a  while.    Farnham  said  you 
were  to  stay  here  till  he  came  back. 

[He  takes  another  chair  and  sits  facing  LUCAS] 
Phcebus,  you  may  kick  me  if  you  like,  but  I'm  sorry  for 
you.    I'm  dam  sorry. 

LUCAS 

[With  a  doubtful  scowt\ 
What  do  you  think  you  are  talking  about,  Otto? 

OTTO 
[Plunging] 

Phcebus,  I  like  you.   I  like  you  a  lot.   I've  liked  you  for 
ten  years — ever  since  I  met  you. 

[Pause] 

So  far  as  I  count  for  anything,  I  suppose  I'm  as  good  a 
friend  as  you  have  in  the  world. 

LUCAS 

[Pleased  and  embarrassed] 
I'm  glad  to  hear  you  say  that,  Otto. 

OTTO 

[With  more  confidence] 
You'd  better  wait  till  I'm  done  with  you. 


ACT  I  17 

LUCAS 
[Smiling] 
Go  on.   I'm  at  your  service. 

OTTO 

[Clasping  his  knee  and  becoming  very  serious] 
Very  well.    Tell  me  when  to  stop. 

[Pause] 

Phoebus,  how  much  does  Farnham  know  about  you? 
Did  he  know  anything  about  you  before  he  came  to 
New  York?  Let  me  see,  that  was  four  years  ago. 

LUCAS 
[Surprised] 
Probably  not. 

OTTO 

Well,  then,  did  Farnham  know  Villa  Vannevar  before 
he  came  to  New  York? 

LUCAS 
[Surprised] 
Not  to  my  knowledge. 

OTTO 
Am  I  getting  too  personal? 

LUCAS 

[Fighting  with  his  curiosity] 
You  haven't  said  anything  injurious. 

OTTO 

Good.     Now  does  Farnham  .  .  .  Oh,   the  devil!     I 
suppose  I  ought  not  to  ask  you  this,  but  I'm  going  to,  all 


i8  VAN  ZORN 

the  same.  Does  Farnham  know  that  Villa  Vannevar  cared 
more  for  you  at  one  time  than  she  cares  now  for  any  other 
man  living? 

LUCAS 

[Rubbing  his  hands  slowly] 
I  rather  think,  Otto,  that  you  may  as  well  stop. 

OTTO 
Are  you  going  to  kick  me? 

LUCAS 

No.    Your  motive  is  good,  and  I  try  to  judge  a  fellow 
by  his  motive. 
[Taking  a  cheap  watch  from  his  pocket,  he  looks  at  it  and  shakes  it 

at  his  ear} 
What  time  is  it? 

OTTO 

[With  much  vigor] 

Phoebus,  you  can't  put  me  off.    I've  got  you  now,  and 
I'm  going  to  tell  you  what  I  think  of  you. 

LUCAS 

[Shaking  his  watch  at  his  ear] 
What  do  you  think  of  me? 

OTTO 

[Nettled] 

Well,  I  think  you  are  going  to  the  devil,  for  one  thing. 

LUCAS 
[Grinning] 

Only  going?     I  was  told  the  other  day  that  I  had 
arrived — with  banners. 


ACT  I  19 

OTTO 
Did  Farnham  tell  you  that? 

LUCAS 
That  was  Farnham's  hidden  meaning. 

OTTO 

[After  a  pause] 

Well,  Phoebus,  I  can't  speak  for  Farnham.  But  there 
was  a  time  when  the  rest  of  us  would  have  said  that  you 
had  empires  up  your  sleeve. 

[Impressively] 

LUCAS 

[Looking  at  his  sleeve] 

Then  they  must  be  there  yet.  I've  never  shaken  them 
out. 

OTTO 

[With  more  fervor] 

They  may  be  there,  but  all  the  devils  in  hell,  with 
microscopes,  couldn't  find  them  there  this  morning.  As 
you  are  fond  of  reading,  you  may  have  gathered,  from 
various  authorities,  that  empires  don't  run  themselves, 
exactly.  When  they  do,  they  run  down. 

LUCAS 
Like  my  watch. 

[He  shakes  it,  and  returns  it  to  his  pocket] 

OTTO 

[Getting  up  with  a  sigh] 
Phoebus,  why  don't  you  try  to  find  out  where  you  are, 


20  VAN  ZORN 

and  stop  pickling  your  brain  with  rum,  and  quit  be 
wildering  your  inferiors,  and  go  back  to  school?  If  you 
don't,  there  will  be  a  funeral  one  of  these  days,  and  you 
won't  have  to  walk.  And  what  I  say  is  all  as  true  as  God 
made  great  whales  and  little  squirrels. 

LUCAS 

[Rubbing  his  knees  and  grinning] 
Good.    Say  on. 

[OTTO  gives  a  snort  of  disgust  and  moves  towards  the  bust  of 
Shakespeare,  his  hands  in  his  trousers'  pockets  and  his  face 
puckered  with  a  scowl] 

LUCAS 

[Watching  OTTO  with  weary  amusement] 
Otto,  tell  me  something  more  about  this  much-travelled 
Odysseus  of  many  devices,  whom  Farnham  calls  Van 
Zorn. 

[OTTO  removes  his  hat  from  the  bust] 

I  thought  you  would  do  that,  Otto. 

[OTTO  puts  his  hat  on  his  head  and  gives  LUCAS  a  look  of 
discouragement] 

Tell  me  about  Van  Zorn,  Otto,  and  take  off  your  hat. 
[OTTO  spins  his  hat  at  LUCAS,  who  catches  it  deftly  and  throws  it 
over  to  the  window  seat] 

I  understand  that  he's  a  fatalist — or  something  or  other. 
Where  does  he  live? 

OTTO 
[Piqued] 

He  doesn't  live  anywhere.    He  doesn't  have  to.    He's 
worth  about  twenty-five  millions. 


ACT  I  21 

LUCAS 
That  isn't  very  much.    Is  he  in  town? 

OTTO 

[Impatiently] 
Yes,  he's  in  town. 

LUCAS 
How  long  is  he  going  to  stay? 

OTTO 

[Wearily] 

How  the  devil  do  I  know?  I  suppose  he'll  stay  as  long 
as  he  likes  the  place.  That's  what  I  should  do,  if  I  had 
twenty-five  millions. 

[Becoming  more  rancid]  v 

And  then,  if  the  fancy  seized  me,  I  should  pack  my  suitcase 
and  go  in  for  the  irrigation  of  Mesopotamia. 

LUCAS 

[Still  leaning  forward  and  rubbing  his  hands  slowly] 
When  is  Farnham  to  be  married? 

OTTO 
I  don't  know.    Didn't  you  hear  about  the  engagement? 

LUCAS 

[Getting  up  and  speaking  without  apparent  interest] 
No  ...  I  don't  hear  about  things  any  more. 

[The  bell  rings  and  LUCAS  turns  with  a  start] 
I  wonder  who  that  is. 

[He  takes  his  watch  from  his  pocket  nervously  and  pretends  to  look 

at  it] 


22  VAN  ZORN 

OTTO 

[Smiling  as  he  looks  at  his  own  watch] 
If  you  wish  to  know  what  time  it  is,  it's  five  minutes  to 
twelve. 

[OTTO  opens  the  door  and  admits  MRS.  LOVETT  and  Miss  VILLA 
VANNEVAR.  MRS.  LOVETT  is  a  short  lady  of  fifty,  with  a 
manner  that  is  slightly  affected,  but  not  comically  so.  She 
is  dressed  in  black,  and  in  a  manner  calculated  to  suggest 
rather  than  to  express  mourning.  VILLA  VANNEVAR  is  rather 
tall  and  very  handsome,  inclined  to  be  unconventional  and  at 
times  careless,  naturally  vivacious,  but  evidently  not  satisfied 
with  her  existence.  She  wears  a  walking  suit  of  bright  gray, 
with  a  smart  hat} 

OTTO 

[With  familiar  mock-ceremony] 

You  are  to  come  in — both  of  you — and  you  are  to  make 
yourselves  entirely  at  home. 

[To  Mrs  Lovett] 

The  genius  of  the  place  has  gone  to  get  some  photographs 
of  your  friend  Petherick's  bust  of  Edgar  A.  Poe,  the 
eminent  literary  man. 

[Turning  to  LUCAS,  who  has  found  something  interesting  on  the 

table] 
Both  of  you  remember  Mr.  Lucas,  I  suppose. 

VILLA 

[In  a  voice  of  friendly  surprise] 
Why  it's  George! 

[She  goes  to  him  and  gives  him  her  hand,  which  he  takes  slowly,  and 
holds  a  little  longer  than  he  means  to] 

Why,  Auntie,  it's  George! 


ACT  I  23 

[To  LUCAS] 
You  remember  my  aunt,  don't  you,  George? 

LUCAS 
I  remember  Mrs.  Lovett  very  well. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[without  warmth] 

Of  course  I  remember  Mr.  Lucas. 

[To  OTTO] 
And  now,  Otto,  you  bad  child 

[Holding  up  her  finger] 

oh,  yes !    I  have  read  your  wicked  books,  and  I  know  just 
how  bad  you  are 

[Laughing] 

— Villa  and  I  are  perishing  to  see  the  picture  in  its  new 
frame. 

[To  VILLA] 

Shall  we  wait  for  dear  Weldon  to  come  back?    Artists  are 
so  queer,  you  know,  and 

[To  OTTO,  with  a  smile] 
so  very  sensitive. 

OTTO 
[Beaming] 

Very  sensitive  indeed.    Have  you  read  my  last  one — 
Au  Cinquieme?    It  came  out  day  before  yesterday. 

VILLA 

[Amused] 
I'm  sorry,  Otto,  but  we  haven't  even  seen  it. 


24  VAN  ZORN 

OTTO 
[Briskly] 
In  that  case, 

[To  MRS.  LOVETT] 

you  cannot  possibly  know  how  bad  I  am. — As  for  the  frame, 
[Moving  towards  the  picture] 

the  frame  is  a  beautiful  piece  of  work.    In  point  of  fact,  I 

don't  quite  see  how  you  are  going  to  get  along  without  it. 

[MRS.  LOVETT  follows  him  and  they  stand  together  before  the  picture. 
LUCAS  and  VILLA  remain  near  the  table,  she  becoming  very 
serious  and  he  pretending,  not  very  well,  to  take  a  humorous 
view  of  the  situation] 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[After  a  silence] 
Aren't  you  coming  to  see  yourself,  Villa? 

VILLA 
I'll  watch  you  and  Otto — and  talk  with  George.   I  know 

just  how  the  picture  looks,  and  I  haven't  seen  George  for  a 

thousand  years. 

[MRS.  LOVETT  frowns  a  little  and  OTTO  smiles  to  himself  signifi 
cantly] 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[Looking  at  the  picture] 
Oh— dear! 

[She  sighs  and  looks  at  OTTO,  who  stands  on  his  toes  for  a  moment 
and  then  shakes  his  head} 

VILLA 

[Turning  from  LUCAS  to  MRS.  LOVETT,  and  laughing 
What's  the  matter,  Auntie? 


ACT  I  25 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[With  ample  resignation] 
I  don't  know  what  to  say  about  it. 

[She  looks  at  LUCAS,  who  does  not  see  her,  and  then  looks  at  OTTO] 
You  say  something,  Otto.    I  simply  don't  know  how. 

OTTO 

I  would  gladly  be  of  assistance,  my  dear  Madam,  but 
I  don't  know  how  to  say  anything  about  it  either. 

[Looking  at  LUCAS] 

But  there's  Lucas;  he  knows  how  to  say  something  about 
it. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[After  a  quick  frown] 
Tell  me  the  truth,  Otto. 

[She  sighs  again] 

VILLA 

[Turning  and  laughing] 
If  you  do,  Otto,  I'll  tell  Weldon  everything  you  say. 

OTTO 

[Looking  from  VILLA  to  MRS.  LOVETT,  with  a  grimace] 
You  seem  to  know  the  truth  already.    If  you  don't,  I 
cannot  tell  a  lie. 

[Very  distinctly] 

In  the  last  analysis,  then,  the  thing  is  worse  than — than 
office-hours. 

VILLA 

[With  determination] 
Pm  going  to  say  something  now.    I'm  going  to  ask  Otto 


26  VAN  ZORN 

to  turn  that  picture  to  the  wall  until  Weldon  comes  back. 
I  won't  have  it  abused. 

[To  LUCAS,  with  sorry  laugh] 
The  only  trouble  with  that  picture  is  that  it  isn't  me. 

LUCAS 
[Drily] 

Yes,  that  is  one  trouble  with  it. 

[VILLA  looks  at  him  strangely,  and  laughs  again  as  before.  MRS. 
LOVETT  looks  at  her  with  mild  disapproval.  OTTO  grins, 
and  begins  to  sing  the  swan-song  in  Lohengrin  with  subdued 
satisfaction  as  he  turns  the  easel.  As  OTTO  comes  back  to 
the  center  of  the  stage,  the  bell  rings,  and  all  appear  to  be 
suddenly  disturbed] 

MRS.   LOVETT 
Now  who  in  the  world  is  that?    We  don't  want  people. 

LUCAS 

You  might  find  out,  Otto. 

OTTO 
Aye,  aye,  sir. 

[Becoming  more  exuberant,  he  propels  himself  towards  the  door 
with  a  series  of  quasi-nautical  hitches,  trumpeting  with  his 
lips  the  opening  chorus  in  "Pinafore"  LUCAS  watches  him 
with  a  weary  smile,  VILLA  VANNEVAR  laughs,  and  MRS. 
LOVETT  looks  bewildered.  OTTO  opens  the  door  and  stands 
back,  in  whimsical  obeisance} 

OTTO 

You  may  come  in,  for  I  know  your  name.    Your  name 
is  Van  Zorn,  and  I've  seen  you  before. 


ACT  I  27 

[VAN  ZORN  ENTERS.  HE  is  rather  tall,  well  built,  bronzed,  and 
has  powerful,  penetrating  eyes.  His  manner,  though  court 
eous  and  possibly  a  bit  too  dignified,  is  also  a  little  heavy. 
He  seems  to  be  in  constant  fear  of  being  taken  too  seriously; 
and  yet  he  is  a  very  serious  person,  inclined  to  a  certain  in 
tangible  melancholy  that  is  easy  to  recognize  but  difficult  to 
describe.  His  voice  is  rich,  deep,  and  musical,  his  laugh  is 
rare  but  pleasing,  but  his  smile  is  frequent  and  engaging. 
There  is  at  times  something  childlike  in  his  acceptance  of  un 
usual  situations  and  events,  and  there  is  something  almost 
unreal  in  his  easy  persistence  along  lines  that  few  men  would 
ever  think  of  pursuing.  While  he  is  for  the  most  part  self 
explanatory,  there  remains  a  fringe  of  mystery  about  him  to  the 
end] 

VAN  ZORN 

[Taking  OTTO'S  hand  and  smiling 
And  I  should  remember  your  name.    Your  name  is  ... 

OTTO 

[Distinctly] 
Mink. 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  another  smile] 
Indeed?    Then  you  must  have  two  names. 

OTTO 

[A  s  the  two  move  into  the  room] 
I  have.    The  grand  total  is  Otto  Mink. 

VAN  ZORN 

I  remember  now  that  Farnham  called  you  Otto.    I  am 
very  glad  to  see  you  again. 


28  VAN  ZORN 

OTTO 

[With  expansion] 
And  now  it  devolves  upon  me  to  present  a  few  of  Farn- 

ham's  friends.    Here,  for  example,  is  Mrs.  Lovett. 

[She  smiles  at  Otto,  and  receives   Van  Zorn  with  unqualified 
approval] 

And  here  is  Miss  Villa  Vannevar.    She's  another  friend  of 

Farnham's,  and  you've  met  her  before. 

[VILLA  gives  VAN  ZORN  her  hand,  and  he  looks  at  her,  in  spite  of 
his  efforts,  as  if  he  were  fascinated.  The  two  appear  to  be 
very  serious,  until  OTTO  presents  LUCAS,  when  she  laughs — 
but  with  no  great  amount  of  spirit] 

And  here  is  Mr.  Lucas.    Sometimes  we  call  him  Phcebus — 

on  account  of  his  sunny  disposition. 

[VAN  ZORN  shakes  hands  with  LUCAS  with  great  cordiality  and 
looks  at  him  as  long  as  he  looked  at  VILLA  VANNEVAR,  but 
with  an  entirely  different  expression.  There  is  a  kindness 
and  a  certain  satisfaction  in  his  eyes  that  surprises  LUCAS 
and  embarrasses  him] 

That  object  over  there  is  a  portrait  of  Miss  Vannevar,  but 

we  are  not  to  see  it  again  until  Farnham  comes  back.   You 

won't  like  Farnham  any  better  after  you  see  it. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Amused] 

That    doesn't    sound    altogether    complimentary    to 
Farnham. 

OTTO 

[Cheerfully] 

It  isn't. 

VAN  ZORN 

Perhaps  I  don't  quite  understand  you. 


ACT  I  29 

OTTO 
You  will. 

VAN  ZORN 

[With  a  look  of  amused  inquiry  at  LUCAS] 
You  surprise  me.    I  have  come  to  think  of  Farnham  as 
one  of  the  best  of  living  painters. 

OTTO 

[With  his  hands  in  his  trousers'  pockets] 
He  is.    That's  partly  what  ails  him. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
Why,  Otto, — you  ridiculous  child! 

OTTO 
If  you  don't  believe  me,  ask  Phoebus — I  mean  Lucas. 

VAN  ZORN 
[To  VILLA,  smiling] 
I  think  I'll  wait  and  ask  Farnham  himself. 

VILLA 
[Laughing] 
He  may  bite  you. 

VAN  ZORN 
I  know  Farnham's  bite.    It  isn't  very  dangerous. 

VILLA 
He  thinks  it  is. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Moving  nearer  to  her,  as  if  drawn] 
How  soon  do  you  expect  him  back? 


30  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

[Suddenly  serious] 
At  any  moment. 

[LUCAS  begins  a  silent  investigation  of  the  studio,  while  MRS. 
LOVETT  and  OTTO  talk  together,  MRS.  LOVETT  apparently 
amused  and  perhaps  a  little  scandalized  by  his  childlike 
narrations.  She  looks  frequently  and  almost  eagerly  at  VAN 
ZORN  and  VILLA,  who  stand  near  the  table.  They  seem  to  be 
laboring  under  a  mysterious  constraint,  which  VILIA  tries 
to  put  of  with  an  assumed  light  humor] 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling] 

You  talk  as  if  you  thought  me  a  doubtful  character. 
I  trust  that  Farnham  hasn't  given  me  one. 

VILLA 

[Nervously] 

Weldon  has  praised  you  so  much  that  we  are  all  a  little 
afraid  of  you. 

VAN  ZORN 
I  shall  have  to  stop  that. 

[Pause] 
Do  you  remember  the  day  when  you  and  Mr. — 

[Glancing  at  OTTO] 
Mr.  Mink — went  over  my  boat  with  Farnham  and  me? 

VILLA 

Of  course  I  do.    That  was  the  day  before  you  sailed 
away  to  the  other  side  of  the  world. 


ACT  I  31 

VAN  ZORN 
[Earnestly] 
Thank  you  for  remembering  that  day. 

VILLA 

[SHU  nervous] 

I  remember  the  day— and  I  remember  that  you  fright 
ened  me  somehow. 

[Laughing] 

You  made  me  think  of  Captain  Kidd  and  the  Flying 
Dutchman— both  together. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling] 

I  don't  know  about  Captain  Kidd,  but  I  suppose  I  am 
a  sort  of  Dutchman. 

VILLA 

[With  a  little  shiver] 
Not  the  Flying  Dutchman — I  hope? 

VAN  ZORN 

[With  a  quaint  seriousness] 

No— not  exactly.   As  a  matter  of  fact,  I  have  undertaken 
to  be  a  doctor. 

VILLA 
[Bewildered] 
Medicine,  Philosophy  or  Divinity? 

VAN  ZORN 

[With  a  melancholy  laugh.] 
All  three,  in  a  measure— and  I  shall  be  my  own  patient. 


32  VAN  ZORN 

[Quite  seriously] 

I  must  have  a  place  in  the  scheme  of  existence,  and  I  have 
had  a  presentiment  that  I  am  soon  to  find  it. 

VILLA 

[Drawing  back  a  little  and  laughing] 

You?  ...  A  place  in  the  scheme  of  existence?  .  .  . 
I'm  beginning  to  be  positively  creepy.  I  thought  you  had 
everything. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Shaking  his  head] 

Then  you  are  greatly  mistaken.    I  have  nothing — yet. 

VILLA 

[Impulsively] 

What  a  very  unfortunate  person !  I  beg  your  pardon  a 
thousand  times,  but  you  make  me  laugh. 

VAN  ZORN 
You  needn't  be  apologetic,  and  you  needn't  laugh. 

VILLA 

[Bewildered] 
What — are  you  going  to  do — first? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling  faintly] 

I  have  thought  of  several  plans  to  make  my  existence 
worth  while,  but  I  am  not  yet  sure  of  any  of  them. 


ACT  I  33 

VILLA 

[With  a  sigh  and  a  laugh] 

Well,  I  don't  know  what  you  expect  me  to  say.    You 
don't  speak  a  language  that  a  poor  girl  can  understand. 

[She  looks  over  her  shoulder  and  meets  the  eyes  of  LUCAS,  who  by 
this  time  has  made  a  circuit  of  the  studio  and  taken  a  casual 
inventory  of  its  contents.  She  looks  at  him,  smiling,  and  then 
at  VAN  ZORN,  who  is  looking  at  LUCAS  with  a  slight  frown 
that  is  both  friendly  and  inquiring] 

VILLA 

I  wonder  if  George— Mr.  Lucas— could  be  of  any  service 
to  you.   He  isn't  a  doctor,  but  he  knows  almost  everything. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Pleasantly,  after  a  slow  nod  at  LUCAS! 
Does  he  know  himself? 

LUCAS 
[With  a  shrug] 
I  regret  to  say  that  he  does. 

VAN  ZORN 
[To  LUCAS,  distinctly] 

Then  Miss  Vannevar  is  right.    The  man  who  knows 
himself  does  know  almost  everything. 

[There  has  been  a  brief  pause  in  OTTO'S  animated  conversation 
with  MRS.  LOVETT,  and  now  OTTO  looks  keenly  at  VILLA, 
VAN  ZORN,  and  LUCAS] 


34  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

[Laughing  at  OTTO] 
The  man  who  knows  himself  must  be  inspired. 

[To  VAN  ZORN] 

Otto  couldn't  keep  from  being  inspired  if  he  tried.    Otto 
is  a  poet. 

OTTO 
[Grinning] 
Do  I  look  like  one? 

VILLA 
You  look  like  a  rose  of  Sharon,  Otto. 

[Glancing  towards  the  door] 
I  thought  I  heard  something. 

OTTO 

[Holding  up  his  finger] 
Hist !    There  it  is  again ! 

[Going  to  the  door  mysteriously] 
It's  the  Thing  itself. 

[FARNHAM  is  heard  in  the  vestibule,  singing  carelessly  to  himself 
the  air  of  the  Conspirators  from  "La  Fille  de  Madame  Angot." 
OTTO  opens  the  door  with  a  flourish,  and  FARNHAM  soon 
enters] 

OTTO 
You  are  late,  and  the  show  is  half  over. 

[Putting  his  hands  into  his  trousers'  pockets] 
The  next  thing  on  the  programme  will  be  the  eminent 
comedians,  Van  Zorn  and  Lucas,  in  "The  Old  Oaken 
Bucket."    Song  and  dance. 


35 

MRS.  LOVETT 
\With  languid  primness] 
Otto,  you  might  take  your  hat  and  go  home. 

FARNHAM 
[Taking  MRS.  LOVETT'S  hand] 

No,  don't  send  him  home.  He  can't  help  it.  The  trouble 
is  in  his  brain. 

[HE  shakes  hands  with  VILLA  and  smiles] 
But  you 

[Shaking  hands  with  VAN  ZORN  and  looking  at  him  with  eager 
satisfaction] 

— you  might  have  let  a  fellow  know  that  you  were  coming. 

[looking  around] 
I  suppose  there  is  no  need  of  introductions. 

OTTO 
[Beaming 
None  whatever.    We  are  all  happily  acquainted. 

FARNHAM 

[After  giving  OTTO  a  patronizing  scrutiny] 

There  are  the  photographs,  Mrs.  Lovett,  and  if  you 
don't  find  them  sufficiently  bad,  it  won't  be  Petherick's 
fault.  PoorPoe! 

[Nodding  to  VAN  ZORN! 

He  could  tell  you  something  about  Destiny,  if  he  were 
alive. 

[He  nods  at  the  envelope] 


36  VAN  ZORN 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Looking  at  one  of  the  photographs] 
Poe  was  a  wonderful  creature. 

FARNHAM 
There  are  no  records  to  prove  that  he  ever  denied  it. 

[To  VILLA,  with  his  most  confident  smile] 
Have  you  seen  the  picture,  and  the  frame? 
[He  gazes  at  the  easel,  frowns  for  a  moment,  and  then  laughs  drily] 
Who  turned  it  to  the  wall?    Did  you  do  that,  Lucas? 

VILLA 
[Quickly] 
Otto  did  it.    I  told  him  to. 

FARNHAM 
[Rather  drily] 
That  was  very  considerate  of  you. 

[HE  moves  the  easel  back  to  its  former  position] 
Well,  there  it  is. 

[Confidently] 

And  now  you  may  all  do  your  worst.    Otto  and  Lucas 
needn't  say  anything,  for  I  know  what  they  think  already. 

OTTO 

[Cheerfully] 
You  may  not.    We've  never  told  you. 

FARNHAM 

[With  a  short  laugh] 
Well,  if  you  haven't,  you  needn't. 
[VAN  ZORN  stands  before  the  picture  and  studies  it  ominously] 


ACT  I  37 

FARNHAM 
Well,  which  is  it— life,  or  death? 

VAN  ZORN 

[With  annihilating  deliberation] 

I  should  say  that  it  was  neither.    I  am  not  satisfied 
with  it. 

FARNHAM 
[With  a  dry  laugh] 
Were  you  ever  entirely  satisfied  with  anything? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Gently] 
We  are  not  here  on  earth  to  be  entirely  satisfied,  are  we? 

FARNHAM 
Oh,  I  don't  know  about  that. 

VAN  ZORN 

I  hope  most  sincerely  that  you  are  not  satisfied  with  this 
picture. 

FARNHAM 

I  thought  it  had  a  kind  of  merit. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Frowning] 
It  has.    It's  a  work  of  genius,  if  you  like. 

OTTO 
[Promptly] 
That's  what  /  said. 


38  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 
[Patiently] 

I  know  it  Otto — And  now  I  should  like  to  hear  what 
Mrs  Lovett  has  to  say. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

But,   dear  Weldon,  you  can't  possibly  care  what  I 
think — a  poor  old  thing  like  me. 

[Looking  through  her  glasses] 

Of  course  you  have  flattered  the  poor  child  almost  to 
death. 

FARNHAM 

[Genially] 
I  don't  see  how  you  can  say  so. 

VILLA 

[To  VAN  ZORN  and  LUCAS] 
Help!    help! 

MRS.  LOVETT 

But  you  are  a  wonderful  creature,  all  the  same,  and  I 
shall  have  to  forgive  you.    Two  very  intelligent  men 

[Beaming  on  OTTO] 

have  called  you  a  genius,  and  surely  that  should  be  enough 
for  one  morning. 

OTTO 

Three,  Mrs.  Lovett,  Phcebus — I  mean  George — called 
him  one  before  you  came  in. 

MRS.   LOVETT 
[After  a  look  at  LUCAS] 
I  am  very  glad  to  hear  it. 


ACT  I  39 

OTTO 
[Briskly] 
I  knew  you  would  be. 

[Going  to  LUCAS] 

And  now,  Phoebus — I  mean  George — it's  time  for  you 
and  me  to  go  out  and  have  something  to  eat.  I  have  a 
premonition  that  you  and  I  are  in  a  way  to  become  super 
fluous. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[With  motherly  tolerance] 

Otto,  are  you  going  to  talk  nonsense  all  the  rest  of  your 
life? 

OTTO 

[Spinning  his  hat  on  the  end  of  his  stick] 
If  youth  but  knew. 

VILLA 

[With  animation] 

Why  can't  we  all  go  out  and  lunch  somewhere  together? 
I've  got  some  money. 

MRS.   LOVETT 

You  forget,  my  child,  that  we  are  to  have  luncheon 
with  Mrs  Dyce. 

OTTO 

Give  my  love  to  Mrs.  Dyce,  and  to  the  Pomeranian 
twins.  And  now  Phoebus  and  I  are  going  over  to  the 
Brevoort  House  and  have  something  with  a  squeezed  lime 
in  it.  After  that  we  shall  have  a  morsel  of  bread,  and 
Phoebus  will  tell  me  what  he  thinks  of  my  new  book — Au 
Cinquieme,  I  call  it. 


40  VAN  ZORN 

[To  VILLA] 

You  haven't  seen  it.    Are  you  going  to  be  at  home  this 
afternoon? 

VILLA 
[Laughing] 
Yes,  Otto,  — to  you. 

OTTO 

All  right.    I'll  bring  around  a  copy  of  Au  Cinquieme. 
[cheerfully]  I  wrote  it  with  my  heart's  blood. 

[To  LUCAS,  briskly] 
Come  along,  Phoebus. 

VILLA 

[Going  to  LUCAS  and  holding  out  her  hand] 
Good-bye,  George. 

LUCAS 

[Taking  her  hand  and  speaking  strangely] 
Good-bye. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Giving  LUCAS  his  hand] 

I  am  very  glad  to  have  met  you,  Mr.  Lucas — very  glad 
indeed. 

[HE  speaks  with  a  peculiar  earnestness  that  causes  MRS.  LOVETT 
and  FARNHAM  to  look  at  each  other.  But  LUCAS  appears  to 
be  abstracted  and  indifferent] 

OTTO 

[At  the  door,  declaiming  solemnly] 

"So  now  for  a  season  we  leave  you,  taking  with  us  our 
various  musical  instruments.    Presently  we  shall  return, 


ACT  I  41 

bringing  with  us  nothing  but  our   accordeons."     Auj 
wiedersehen. 

[OTTO  and  LUCAS  go  out.  MRS.  LOVETT  and  FARNHAM  look 
after  OTTO  and  laugh.  VAN  ZORN  looks  at  VILLA  VANNEVAR, 
who  stands  gazing  at  the  floor.  Her  face  is  troubled  and  she 
bites  her  under  lip  as  if  to  keep  it  under  control} 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[To  FARNHAM] 
Otto  should  be  ashamed  of  himself. 

FARNHAM 
He  will  be — sometime. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

He  is  going  to  take  that  poor  unfortunate  Mr.  Lucas 
over  to  the  Brevoort  House  and  give  him  liquor. 

FARNHAM 

[With  an  unfeeling  grin] 

I  don't  see  any  way  out  of  it  now.    As  for  poor  Mr. 
Lucas,  this  man 

[Looking  at  VAN  ZORN] 

will  tell  you  that  he  is  in  the  hands  of  Destiny — gin-rickeys 
and  all. 

[With  a  laugh] 

We  can  do  nothing  for  him. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[Rising  with  a  sigh] 

It  may  be  so,  poor  fellow.    If  he  were  not  so  thoroughly 
impossible,  he  would  be  rather  interesting. 

[VILLA  looks  at  her  almost  angrily] 


42  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 

May  I  venture  to  ask,  Mrs.  Lovett,  if  you  are  final  in 
your  judgment? 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[With  apologetic  vivacity] 

Dear  me,  no!    I  don't  judge  anything— not  even  a  fly. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling,  as  if  with  effort] 

I  am  very  glad,  for  I  have  begun  to  believe  that  Mr. 
Lucas  and  I  may  be  of  service  to  each  other. 
[VILLA  looks  at  him  eagerly] 

MRS.   LOVETT 
[Puzzled  and  not  wholly  pleased] 

I  don't  understand  what  you  mean,  and  I'm  not  going 
to  try. 

VAN  ZORN 
I  am  not  always  sure  that  I  understand  myself. 

VILLA 

[With  a  nervous  laugh] 
I'm  glad  to  know  it,  for  I'm  not  either. 

[To  MRS.  LOVETT] 

Come  along,  Auntie,  or  Mrs.  Dyce's  little  dogs  will  eat 
up  all  the  luncheon. 

[Laughing] 
Pomeranian  twins ! 

[Giving  her  hand  to  VAN  ZORN] 
Good  bye  ...  I'm  glad  you  aren't  the  Flying  Dutchman. 


ACT  I  43 

VAN  ZORN 

[Holding  her  hand] 
Nothing  half  so  distinguished,  I  assure  you. 

VILLA 

[Not  wholly  at  ease] 
Or  so  unfortunate. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Letting  her  hand  go,  slowly] 
I  am  not  so  sure  about  that. 

VILLA 
Weldon  thinks  you  are  the  greatest  man  in  the  world 

[To  FARNHAM,  laughing] 
— except  himself. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Beaming] 
And  the  most  wonderful  creature. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling] 
Weldon  has  made  a  mistake. 

VILLA 
You  are  too  modest. 

VAN  ZORN 
Do  you  think  so? 

VILLA 

[With  the  same  constrained  laugh] 
Perhaps  I  don't  know  you  well  enough  to  say. 


44  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
We  may  come  to  know  each  other  better  in  the  future. 

VILLA 
I  feel  sure  of  that.    I  should  like  to  know  you  better. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling] 
You  may  be  disappointed  in  me. 

VILLA 

[As  before] 
If  I  am,  I'll  tell  you  so. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Who  has  been  watching  the  two  with  bewildered  approval 
She  means  that  she  will  say,  on  all  occasions,  the  first 
thing  that  comes  into  her  silly  little  head. — But  we  must 
go  now.    Good-bye. 

[THEY  shake  hands.  VAN  ZORN  and  VILLA  VANNEVAR  look  at 
each  other  with  a  smile  of  half-fascinated  intensity.  The  two 
women  go] 

FARNHAM 

[Coming  from  the  door  and  touching  VAN  ZORN  on  the  shoulder, 

laughing  curiously] 

Well,  Childe  Harold,  for  a  sedate  and  rather  melancholy 
Ancient  Mariner,  you  seem  to  be  getting  on. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Standing  in  thought] 
Yes,  I  am  getting  on  in  years. 


ACT  I  45 

FARNHAM 

Oh,  cheer  up.    We  are  only  thirty  two.    "We  are  chil 
dren  still,"  and  we  "  grope  in  the  dark  for  what  the  day  will 

bring." 

[Going  to  the  table  and  reaching  for  the  cigars] 

That's  what  we  do:  we  " grope  in  the  dark  for  what  the 
day  will  bring"  .  .  .  Here— have  a  cigar. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Absently] 
No,  thank  you. 

FARNHAM 
[Holding  out  the  box] 
It's  a  Pedro. 

VAN  ZORN 
No,  thank  you. 

FARNHAM 
[Coaxingly] 
Colorado. 

VAN  ZORN 
Not  now. 

FARNHAM 

[Taking  a  cigar  and  putting  back  the  box] 
Well,  is  there  anything  that  your  serene  excellency 
would  like,  that  I  can  give  you — this  fine  October  morning? 
You'll  have  a  drink,  perhaps. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Shaking  his  head] 

No,  Farnham.    But  I  may — I  may  ask  you  for  your 
advice. 


46  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 

[Lighting  his  cigar] 

And  you  couldn't  possibly  do  better.    What  seems  to  be 
weighing  most  heavily  on  your  noble  mind? 

[Pointing  to  a  chair] 
Sit  down. 
[VAN  ZORN  takes  the  large  chair  mechanically  and  remains  for  a 

time  in  silence.    FARNHAM  sits  expectantly  in  a  small  chair 

not  far  from  the 


VAN  ZORN 
[Slowly] 

Farnham,  I  wish  you  would  tell  me  something  about 
this  man  Lucas.  .  .  .  About  his  life,  and  his  death,  and 
his  possibilities. 

FARNHAM 
[Laughing] 
His  death,  did  you  say? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Simply] 
Yes.    He  seems  to  have  died. 

FARNHAM 
[Carelessly'] 

I  don't  know  but  you  are  right.  And  if  you  refer  to  his 
possibilities  in  the  way  of  drink,  I  can  recommend  him 
without  qualifications.  There  is  nothing  else  in  town  that 
is  quite  like  him. 

VAN  ZORN 
I  am  not  joking,  I  assure  you. 


ACT  I  47 

FARNHAM 
Neither  am  I.    Old  Hundred  is  no  joke. 

VAN  ZORN 

Then  you  might  tell  me  something  about  him.  Who  is 
he?  What  is  he?  And  why  is  he  where  he  is? 

FARNHAM 
[Laughing] 
Where  is  he? 

VAN  ZORN 

He  appears  just  now  to  be  at  what  we  might  call  the 
crossways.  Whether  he  takes  one  way  or  the  other,  will 
depend  upon  events. 

FARNHAM 
[With  a  short  laugh] 
Why  don't  you  say  Destiny,  and  be  done  with  it? 

VAN  ZORN 
Very  well — we'll  call  it  Destiny.    How  old  is  Lucas? 

FARNHAM 

About  twenty-nine.  Abundantly  old  enough  to  know 
better. 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  smile] 

You  might  say  that  of  me.  It  is  possible  that  Lucas  and 
I  may  have  a  great  deal  in  common. 

[He  taps  the  arms  of  his  chair  with  his  fingers  and  looks  into  the 
distance] 


48  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 

[Laughing  impatiently] 

I  thought  of  that  when  I  saw  you  together. 
[Crossing  his  legs] 

Well,  you  ask  me  to  tell  you  about  Lucas,  and  I  find  that 
I  haven't  much  to  tell.  I  haven't  known  him  very  long, 
when  it  comes  to  that;  but  from  what  I  have  gathered  and 
inferred,  it  would  seem  that  his  father  was  a  good  deal  of  a 
metropolitan  rounder — before  the  days  of  the  Great  White 
Way.  Whether  that  made  any  difference  or  not,  I  don't 
know.  All  I  can  say  for  certain  is  that  Lucas's  father 
didn't  spend  all  his  evenings  holding  his  little  one  on  his 
knee,  or  teaching  him  the  binomial  theorem. 

[With  a  tired  sigh] 

Little  Georgie  was  undoubtedly  neglected.  But  what  of 
it? 

[Looking  at  the  bust] 

So  was  Shakespeare,  I  fancy. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Frowning] 
And  Lucas's  mother? 

FARNHAM 

She  had  the  good  fortune  to  die.   You  needn't  look  at  me 
like  that,  for  the  old  man  was  a  bad  egg. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Disappointed] 
Is  that  the  best  you  can  do  for  me? 


ACT  I  49 

FARNHAM 

[Impatiently] 

What  more  do  you  want?  It's  for  Lucas  to  do  the  rest. 
He  has  ability  enough  to  fit  out  a  dozen  ordinary  men, 
but  he  can't  use  it — or  he  won't.  He  isn't  peculiar  to 
New  York.  You'll  find  him  over  all  the  world. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Thoughtfully] 
And  Lucas  has  run  down — like  a  watch. 

FARNHAM 

Yes,  or  rather  like  the  Old  Clock  on  the  Stairs.  And 
I'm  afraid  he's  past  winding  up. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Tapping  with  his  fingers] 
And  what  will  be  the  outcome  of  all  this? 

FARNHAM 

[Weary  of  the  subject] 

Oh,  I  don't  know.  I  shouldn't  wonder  if  I  were  to  take 
up  a  newspaper  some  morning  and  read  that  one  George 
Lucas  had  blown  the  top  of  his  head  off  in  one  of  our  public 
parks — probably  in  Washington  Square,  not  far  from  the 
statue  of  Garibaldi.  That  statue  beats  anything  of 
Petherick's. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Slowly] 

I  wonder  if  I  have  made  a  mistake.  I  don't  often  make 
mistakes  in  my  judgment  of  men. 


50  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 
That's  interesting.    How  about  women? 

VAN  ZORN 
We  are  not  talking  about  women — 

[With  emphasis] 
at  present. 

FARNHAM 

[Laughing] 

All  right ;  excuse  me.  But  what  if  you  do  make  mistakes? 
You  can  charge  them  all  up  to  Destiny,  and  go  on  about 
your  business.  The  rest  of  us  poor  devils,  who  think  we  are 
burdened  with  free  will,  have  to  pay  for  our  mistakes — 
with  complex  interest. 

VAN  ZORN 

No  matter  about  that.  But  what  if  I  were  to  run  down — 
after  the  manner  of  Lucas? 

FARNHAM 
But  Lucas's  case  hasn't  anything  to  do  with  yours. 

VAN  ZORN 
How  do  you  know? 

FARNHAM 
You  couldn't  let  yourself  run  down. 

VAN  ZORN 
How  do  you  know? 


ACT  I  51 

FARNHAM 

[Getting  up,  with  a  laugh  of  protest] 

Because  that  isn't  the  way  we  do  things  nowadays — if 
we  have  any  sense.  If  you  say  "How  do  you  know" 
again,  I'll  .  .  . 

VAN  ZORN 

Farnham,  has  it  occurred  to  you  that  Lucas's  problem 
may  not  be  half  so  simple  as  you  have  made  it  out  to  be? 

FARNHAM 
You  can't  expect  me  to  tell  you  what  I  don't  know. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Significantly] 
Or  all  that  you  do  know — possibly. 

[FARNHAM  says  nothing,  but  smokes] 

In  the  light  of  what  you  say,  I  wonder  that  you  should 
trouble  yourself  to  have  this  man  Lucas  around. 

FARNHAM 
More  Destiny  I  suppose.    We  can't  beat  Destiny. 

VAN  ZORN 

Certainly  not.  But  Destiny  can  beat  us,  and  it  can  make 
us  do  better  than  we  have  done  in  the  past. 

FARNHAM 
[With  a  sharp  look] 

So  Lucas  is  going  to  have  greatness  thrust  upon  him, 
is  he? 

[Laughing] 
"Van  Zorn  and  Lucas,  the  eminent  comedians." 


52  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 

[Laughing  a  little  and  looking  at  the  bust] 
I  wonder  what  Shakespeare  would  do  if  he  were  in  my 
place. 

PARNHAM 

He  might  kill  Polonius,  or  he  might  mix  himself  a  drink. 
That  would  depend  entirely  upon  Destiny. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Drily] 

Undoubtedly  .  .  .  and  we  might  say  more  about  Des 
tiny  .  .  .  But  whether  or  not  we  ought  to  say  it  ... 

FARNHAM 

According  to  your  convenient  doctrine,  I  don't  see  that 
there  is  any  "ought"  or  "ought  not"  about  it — unless  you 
think  you  ought  to  congratulate  me  on  my  engagement 
to  Villa  Vannevar.  Do  you? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Distinctly,  after  a  pause] 
Most  assuredly  not. 

[VAN  ZORN  drums  with  his  fingers  on  the  arms  of  his  chair  and 
looks  straight  before  him.  FARNHAM  watches  him  with  a 
gathering  .hardness  in  his  look  and  at  length  breaks  the 
strained  silence  with  a  flat  laugh,  to  which  VAN  ZORN  pays 
no  attention] 

FARNHAM 
[Uncomfortably] 

Is  this  a  new  kind  of  joke  that  you  have  brought  with 
you  from  India?  If  it  is,  I  don't  seem  to  care  much  for  it. 


ACT  I  53 

VAN  ZORN 
[Looking  at  him] 

I  wish,  Farnham,  that  you  would  wait  a  little  before 
you  talk  like  that. 

FARNHAM 
[With  a  short  laugh] 

All  right — I'll  wait.    There's  nothing  else  for  me  to  do. 
It's  going  to  be  Destiny  anyhow,  and  I  can't  help  myself. 

VAN  ZORN 

[After  getting  up  and  looking  at  the  picture] 
Farnham,  there  is  something  wrong  here. 
[HE  moves  slowly  towards  him] 

There  is  something  in  the  air.    I  can  feel  it.    I  have  felt 
it  ever  since  I  came  in. 

FARNHAM 

[Unpleasantly] 
Shall  I  open  a  window  and  let  it  out? 

VAN  ZORN 

I  think  it  would  be  quite  sufficient  if  we  were  to — lift  a 
curtain. 

FARNHAM 

[Drily] 
On  your  past  life? 

VAN  ZORN 
On  mine — and  yours.    Past,  present,  and  future. 

FARNHAM 
You  are  sure  that  you  are  quite  well? 


54  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 

[Nods  slowly] 
I  am  sure. 

FARNHAM 
[With  mock  relief] 

That's  good.    Now  a  man  in  your  condition  ought  to 
have  a  cheerful,  not  to  say  optimistic,  outlook  on  life. 
[HE  shrugs  his  shoulders  and  forces  another  laugh] 

VAN  ZORN 
[Distinctly] 

I  may  not  see  life  as  it  is,  but  I  see  it  as  I  see  it.  And 
I  am  confident  that  I  see  one  rather  important  aspect  of  it 
as  it  is  going  to  be  if  you  have  your  way.  I  mean,  rather, 
if  your  vanity  and  your  obstinacy  have  their  way. 

FARNHAM 

[With  a  sign  of  resignation] 
Goon. 

[Drily] 

You  are  the  best  thing  we  have  had  since  Samson  and  the 
foxes.  Well,  with  my  Vanity  and  your  Destiny  working 
together,  we  ought  to  arrive  somewhere,  as  I  have  no 
doubt  we  shall. 

VAN  ZORN 
And  where  do  you  think  we  shall  arrive? 

FARNHAM 

If  you'll  be  good  enough  to  raise  that  magic  curtain  of 
yours,  we  may  find  out. 


ACT  I  55 

VAN  ZORN 
[Frowning] 
If  I  raise  it — yes. 

FARNHAM 

[Nervously] 

Then  why  the  devil  don't  you? 

[Laughing  as  before] 
I  can  stand  it — Destiny  and  all. 

[With  assumed  lightness] 
I  am  enjoying  what  you  say,  thus  far;  and  I  have  no  doubt 

[Sitting  down] 
that  I  shall  be  interested  in  what  may  follow. 

VAN  ZORN 

[After  watching  FARNHAM] 

Then  I  may  as  well  come  to  my  subject.  Do  you  know 
that  I  have  been  coming  to  it  for  a  long  time — for  more 
than  four  years,  in  fact? 

FARNHAM 

I  don't  know  what  you  are  talking  about,  but  go  ahead, 
all  the  same. 

VAN  ZORN 

I  will.  And  I'll  begin  by  asking  you  one  or  two  direct 
questions.  If  they  seem  too  direct,  you  must  try  to  pardon 
me. 

[Pause] 

Farnham,  does  the  approaching  unhappiness  of  three 
people,  who  might  as  well  be  happy,  commend  itself  to 
you  as  an  attractive  picture,  or  as  a  desirable  state  of 


56  VAN  ZORN 

affairs?  Have  you  said  to  yourself  that  your  Vanity  and 
my  Destiny,  to  use  your  own  words,  might  as  easily  work 
together  for  joy  and  for  good,  as  for  misery  and  for  evil? 

FARNHAM 

[Squirming] 
What  name  does  your  doctor  give  to  this? 

VAN  ZORN 
Don't  you  think  we  are  beyond  that  now? 

FARNHAM 
[Nervously] 
Beyond  recovery?    I  hope  not. 

VAN  ZORN 
Haven't  I  raised  the  curtain? 

FARNHAM 
[Getting  up] 

You  have  raised  the  devil.   That's  about  what  you  have 
done. 

[With  another  dry  laugh] 

What  have  you  been  doing  since  you  went  away? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Quietly] 
You  give  me  a  leverage  when  you  ask  that. 


ACT  I  57 

FARNHAM 

[Impulsively] 

Then  for  God's  sake  use  it,  and  send  this  curtain  of  yours 
up  a  little  higher. 

[With  irony] 
If  I  can  be  of  any  assistance  .  .  . 

VAN  ZORN 
[Distinctly] 

Farnham,  my  career,  during  the  past  four  years,  has 
consisted  for  the  most  part  in  seeking  .  .  .  seeking  for 
guidance. 

FARNHAM 
[With  another  laugh] 

You  might  have  done  worse.  "He  that  seeketh"  .  .  . 
You  know  about  that  fellow. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Slowly,  but  with  finality] 
"Findeth." 

FARNHAM 
[With  strained  humor] 
Good.    Are  you  sure  you  won't  have  a  cigar? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Solemnly] 

Do  you  remember  what  the  text  goes  on  to  say  of  him 
that  knocketh?  I  wonder  what  you  think  would  be  likely 
to  happen  if  I  were  to — knock. 

[FARNHAM  moves  to  the  fireplace  and  stands  gazing  into  the  grate. 
VAN  ZORN  looks  at  him  and  waits  for  him  to  speak] 


58  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 

[Slowly  and  incredulously] 

What  are  you  driving  at,  anyhow?  Are  you  in  love 
with  Villa  Vannevar?  .  .  .  You  have  never  told  me  about 
this. 

VAN  ZORN 
You  have  not  been  exactly  available. 

FARNHAM 
You  might  have  come  back  before. 

VAN  ZORN 

And  I  might  have  made  a  mistake  in  doing  so.  I  waited 
for  what  seemed  to  be  the  appointed  time,  and  then  I  came. 

FARNHAM 
And  here  you  are. 

[With  more  spirit] 

Now  I  don't  know  much  about  the  appointed  time,  as  you 
call  it,  but  I  suppose  I  do  know  what  you  mean  by  knocking 
at  doors. 

[He  looks  at  the  picture  and  scowls] 
May  I  ask 

[Unpleasantly] 

how  many  times  you  intend  to  knock?  And  when  you 
intend  to  begin? 

VAN  ZORN 
[In  a  level,  musical  voice] 

My  intention  was  to  knock  once,  this  afternoon,  if  it 
could  be  arranged. 


ACT  I  59 

FARNHAM 

[Incredulously] 

You  and  your  boat  must  have  made  a  record,  if  that's 
the  way  you  feel. 

[As  if  led  along  reluctantly  by  the  humor  of  the  situation] 
Well,  I  dare  say  it  can  be  arranged — and  I  infer  that  you 
count  on  me  to  do  the  arranging. 

VAN  ZORN 
I  shall  never  knock  under  other  conditions. 

FARNHAM 
[As  before] 

And  what  do  you  intend  to  do  after  you  get  in?  Some 
thing  in  the  Lochinvar  line?  Carry  the  young  lady  away 
on  a  horse — or  in  a  limousine? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Seriously] 

If  I  were  to  be  admitted,  and  if  I  were  to  satisfy  myself 
that  my  convictions  are  correct,  that  three  people  are  on 
their  way  to  unhappiness  and  disaster.  .  .  .  What  should 
I  do  then?  What  ought  I  to  do  then? 

FARNHAM 

You  look  at  me  as  if  you  thought  I  was  afraid  of  some 
thing.  I  wish  you  would  tell  me  what  7  ought  to  be  be 
ginning  to  think  of  you. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Quietly] 

You  should  think  of  me  at  all  times  as  the  best  friend 
you  have  in  the  world. 


60  VAN  ZORN 

[FARNHAM  lights  a  match  on  the  box  that  he  has  taken  from  the 
mantel  and  watches  the  flame  until  it  burns  down  to  his  fingers. 
Then  he  puts  his  hands  into  his  pockets  and  looks  at  VAN 
ZORN  intently] 

FARNHAM 
[Distinctly] 

How  long  has  this  been  going  on?    How  long  have  you 
been  planning  to  marry  Villa  Vannevar? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Distinctly] 

I  said  something  about  four  years.    But  time,  in  your 
sense  of  the  word,  doesn't  mean  very  much  to  me. 

FARNHAM 
[Almost  with  a  sneer] 
It  may  come  to  mean  more — eventually 

VAN  ZORN 
[Nods  slowly] 
That  remains  to  be  seen. 

FARNHAM 

[As  before] 
As  you  see  it? 

[VAN  ZORN  nods  again] 

My  fatalistic  friend,  you  may  not  care  much  to  know  what 
I  have  been  doing  during  the  past  four  or  five  years,  but 
what  I  have  been  doing  during  the  past  four  or  five  minutes 
may  be  of  interest  to  you.  If  so,  I  have  been  asking  my 
self  why  it  is,  in  spite  of  my  agreement,  that  I  have  been 


ACT  I  61 

taking  the  trouble  to  listen  to  you.  You  must  be  aware 
that  I  would  not  have  listened  to  the  same  talk  from  any 
other  man  living. 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  strange  innocence] 

What  possible  fear  can  you  have,  if  you  have  no  doubts — 
or  misgivings? 

FARNHAM 

[Scowling] 

Fear?    Doubts?    Misgivings? — what  the  devil  are  you 
driving  at  now? 

VAN  ZORN 
[As  before] 

You  might  lead  me  to  believe  that  you  think  me  capable 
of  treachery. 

FARNHAM 
Treachery? 

[With  a  nasal  laugh] 

By  treachery,  I  suppose  you  mean 

[Letting  his  words  out  half-angrily,  in  detached  phrases] 

the  repeated  visitations — of  an  irresistible  personality — 
on  the  unschooled  emotions — of  a  young  lady  who  is  about 
to  do  me  the  honor  of  becoming  my  wife.  .  .  .  Am  I 
about  right? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling] 

You  speak  now  as  if  you  thought  me  capable  of  almost 
anything — beginning  with  murder. 


62  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 
[Trying  to  laugh] 

No,  I  don't  think  that.  For  I  know  now  that  even  you 
have  your  limitations. 

VAN  ZORN 

[With  tightening  lips] 

Yes;  and  I  am  limited,  for  the  present,  at  any  rate, 
to  one  interview — subject  to  your  consent  and  arrange 
ment.  If  by  any  chance  you  should  choose  to  change 
your  mind  .  .  . 

FARNHAM 
[Half-angry] 

What  do  you  mean  by  that?  Why  should  I  change  my 
mind?  Just  because  you  have  elected  to  be  plain  crazy — 
with  your  appointed  time,  and  your — your  Destiny — do 
you  think  I'm  going  to  be  such  an  ass  as  to  take  you 
seriously?  I  don't  care  much  for  this  sort  of  thing,  and 
I  don't  mind  telling  you  so;  but  if  you  insist  upon  making 
a  show  of  yourself,  I  don't  know  that  I  am  bound  by 
courtesy  to  interfere,  or  by  law  to  be  responsible — under 
the  circumstances. 

VAN  ZORN 

That  will  be  first  rate — especially  under  the  circum 
stances.  Now  let  me  be  sure  that  we  both  understand. 
If  I  call  to  see  Miss  Vannevar  this  afternoon  at  four 
o'clock,  by  special  appointment, — or,  if  not  then,  at  the 
earliest  opportunity  .  .  . 

FARNHAM 

[With  an  incredulous  laugh] 
Oh,  you'll  get  in.    You  needn't  worry  about  that. 


ACT  I  63 

[He  smiles  to  himself  and  shakes  his  head,  with  a  long  sigh] 
Shall  we  go  out  now  and  have  something  to  eat? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling] 

Don't  you  think,  Farnham,  that  we  had  better  give  each 
other  a  short  leave  of  absence? 

FARNHAM 

[Drily] 

As  you  say. 

[With  a  sorry  laugh] 

As  you  see  it. 

VAN  ZORN 
Will  you  dine  with  me  this  evening? 

FARNHAM 

I'm  sorry,  but  I  can't.    But  I'll  be  here  at  ten,  if  that 
will  do  you  any  good. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Laughing  a  little] 

Then  I  shall  see  you  at  ten.    And  you  will  telephone  me 
at  my  hotel— we'll  say  at  three-thirty? 

FARNHAM 

[With  an  easy  snarl] 
Yes,  I'll  telephone. 

VAN  ZORN 
The  Knickerbocker. 


64  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 

[Wearily] 
I  know  it. 

VAN  ZORN 
Then  I'll  say  good-bye  until— ten. 

FARNHAM 

[More  wearily] 
I  understood  what  you  said.    You  said  ten. 

[After  a  pause  VAN  ZORN  goes  out.  FARNHAM  returns  from  the 
vestibule  with  his  hat  and  stick.  After  turning  the  picture 
to  the  wall,  he  stands  for  a  while  near  the  window-seat,  shakes 
his  head  slowly,  puts  his  hat  on  slowly,  sits  down,  and  smiles 
incredulously  to  himself.  He  draws  figures  on  the  floor 
with  his  stick  as  the  curtain  falls] 


CURTAIN 


ACT  II 


ACT  II 

A  diagonal  view  of  a  room  in  MRS.  LOVETT'S  house.  The  right 
corner  is  revealed,  with  half  of  the  right  wall.  In  the  corner 
is  a  small  grand  piano,  and  to  the  right  is  a  window.  To  the 
left,  half  way  down,  is  the  entrance,  a  wide  arched  doorway 
with  curtains.  Well  down  in  front,  somewhat  to  the  right, 
is  a  table,  before  which  are  two  comfortable  chairs  that 
partly  face  each  other.  Against  the  wall,  to  the  left  and  below 
the  entrance,  is  a  couch.  There  are  several  pictures  on  the 
walls,  and  over  the  piano  is  a  portrait  of  MRS.  LOVETT'S  late 
husband,  showing  the  beardless  face  of  a  man  of  fifty,  mel 
ancholy  and  rather  glowering.  The  room  has  the  unmis 
takable  appearance  of  a  place  where  people  live  and  make 
themselves  at  home. 

As  the  curtain  rises,  VILLA  VANNEVAR  is  at  the  piano,  playing 
in  a  listless,  abstracted  manner  the  cantabile  part  of  Chopin's 
Nocturne,  Op.  37,  No.  2.  MRS.  LOVETT,  sitting  in  the  chair 
at  the  right  of  the  table,  listens,  frowns,  stamps  her  foot,  and 
finally  speaks  out  with  evident  impatience. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

Villa  Vannevar,  do  for  heaven's  sake  keep  still,  or  play 
something  that  has  a  little  life  in  it.  You  play  that  thing 
as  if  you  were  crying  through  the  ends  of  your  fingers. 

VILLA 

[Turning  about  and  facing  MRS.  LOVETT] 
Would  you  have  me  always  laughing,  Auntie — like  this? 
[She  makes  a  ridiculous  face  and  laughs] 
67 


68  VAN  ZORN 

MRS.  LOVETT 

No,  you  silly  child.  But  you  needn't  look  forever  as 
if  life  were  nothing  but  one  long  funeral.  I  don't  like 
funerals. 

VILLA 

[With  a  shrug] 

I  don't  know  about  that.  It  seems  to  me  sometimes 
that  funerals  are  better  than  weddings.  When  we  go  to 
funerals,  we  know  what  has  happened;  but  when  we  go  to 
weddings,  we  don't  even  pretend  to  know  what  is  going 
to  happen. 

[Looking  at  her  foot] 

I  think  I  like  funerals  best. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
You  crazy  child,  you  are  positively  wicked. 

VILLA 
Oh  no,  I'm  not,  Auntie.    I'm  good. 

[Getting  up  with  a  sigh] 
I'm  good  enough  to  be  a  fool. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[As  if  scared] 
Villa  Vannevar! 

VILLA 
[Laughing] 
Yes,  Auntie,  that's  what's  the  matter  with  me. 

[Wearily] 
Otto  Mink  and  George  Lucas  believe  already  that  I  am  one. 


ACT  II  69 

MRS.   LOVETT 
Child!    Do  you  know  what  you  are  saying? 

VILLA 

[Moving  about  with  her  hands  behind  her] 
I  know  perfectly  well  what  I'm  saying.    They  think 
I'm  a  fool  for  marrying  Weldon  Farnham — when  he  doesn't 
more  than  half  want  me. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[Significantly,  after  a  pause] 
You  haven't  married  him  yet. 

VILLA 

[Trying  to  laugh] 
No,  I  have  not. 

[Pause] 

I  wonder  if  the  other  man — Mr.  What-you-call-him — 
thinks  I'm  a  fool. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[With  excited  sarcasm] 
Don't  you  know  what  he  thinks? 

VILLA 

How  should  I  know  what  he  thinks?    I  don't  even  know 
that  he  thinks  at  all. 

[With  a  pleasant  nervousness] 
Do  you  know  what  he  thinks? 

MRS.   LOVETT 

I  know  that  he  considers  you  a  very  charming  person, 
for  one  thing. 


70  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

[Laughing] 
How  nice  of  Mm !    He  didn't  tell  me  so. 

MRS.   LOVETT 

He  may  not  have  told  you,  but  he  did  tell  me.  I  am  too 
old  to  be  deceived. 

VILLA 
[Laughing] 
Then  you  must  be  the  oldest  woman  in  the  world. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[With  decayed  archness] 

Possibly  I  am.  In  any  case,  I  am  old  enough  to  see  that 
he  considers  you  not  only  very  charming,  but  exceedingly 
impertinent. 

VILLA 
Then  he  must  be  a  beast. 

[She  laughs] 

MRS.  LOVETT 

He  isn't  a  beast.  He's  a  wonderful  creature.  And  I  am 
surprised  out  of  my  senses  that  he  should  be  coming  here 
to  see  you  again  this  afternoon. 

VILLA 

[Laughing] 

If  you  don't  go  away  with  your  wonderful  creatures, 
I  shall  throw  things  out  of  the  window  and  shriek.  For 
Mr.  Van  Zorn  isn't  a  wonderful  creature  in  the  least.  He's 
just  a  big  overgrown  man  with  a  heap  of  money  that  he 


ACT  II  71 

doesn't  know  what  to  do  with,  and  he's  coming  to  get  you 

and  carry  you  off  in  a  taxicab. 

[SHE  sits  at  MRS.  LOVETT'S  feet  and  looks  up  into  her  face] 

And  I'll  never  see  my  Auntie  any  more.  And  then  I 
suppose  there'll  be  nothing  left  for  me  to  do  but  to  go 
melancholy  mad.  I  shall  prowl  around  all  by  myself  like 
a  shut-up  cat,  and  I'll  sit  down  in  all  sorts  of  corners  and 
cry  like  anything. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Pleased] 
So  you  have  found  his  name  at  last,  have  you? 

VILLA 

I  like  his  name.  It  sounds  like  a  bassoon.  But  I  don't 
like  his  eyes  as  well  as  I  do  the  other  man's. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Disturbed] 
Do  you  mean  Weldon  Farnham's? 

VILLA 

[Calmly] 

No,  I  was  thinking  for  the  moment  of  George  Lucas's 
eyes.  Mr.  What's-his-name's  are  too  much  like  blue 
search-lights. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

You  needn't  call  him  Mr.  What's-his-name — and  you 
needn't  mention  George  Lucas.  I  am  sorry  that  he  has 
come  to  be  what  he  is,  but  I  don't  care  to  have  his  name 
mentioned  in  my  house. 


72  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

But  you  used  to  like  him  once,  Auntie, — and  this  won 
derful  creature  of  yours  liked  him  at  first  sight.  As  a 
matter  of  fact,  he  likes  him  better  than  he  likes  any  of  the 
rest  of  us. 

MRS.   LOVETT 
Don't  talk  such  nonsense. 

VILLA 
I'm  not  talking  nonsense. 

[Laughing] 

Anyhow,  Auntie,  your  wonderful  creature  has  taken  a 
wonderful  fancy  to  George — I  beg  your  pardon — and  I 
don't  know  how  you  are  going  to  change  the  course  of 
events,  even  if  you  tell  me  that  I  have  a  head  like  an  Edam 
cheese — which  I  haven't,  in  the  least.  My  head  makes 
Otto  think  of  a  very  nice  horse.  He  said  so. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

Otto  may  have  said  so  because  you  act  so  much  like  a 
donkey. 

VILLA 

I  don't  act  in  any  respect  like  a  donkey,  and  I  don't 
think  you  ought  to  say  such  things.     For  I  am  an  ex 
tremely  well-behaved  young  lady — except  at  times. 
[Pause] 

If  you  look  at  me  like  that  much  longer,  Auntie,  I'll  say 
bow-bow;  and  then  I'll  put  both  my  paws  on  your  shoul 
ders,  and  then  I'll  bite  you. 

[She  snaps  her  teeth  and  laughs} 


ACT  II  73 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Reluctantly] 

My  dear  Villa,  why  did  you  bring  up  George  Lucas's 
name  again? 

VILLA 

[With  a  kind  of  triumph] 
Why  do  you  bring  it  up  again,  Auntie? 

[Pause] 
At  any  rate,  he  never  injured  anybody. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Sharply] 

But  he  disappointed  everybody — and  that's  as  bad  as 
injuring  them.    I'm  not  sure  that  it  isn't  worse. 

VILLA 
But  something  may  have  happened. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

Something  always  happens.    What  would  be  the  use  of 
living  if  things  didn't  happen? 

VILLA 
[Slowly] 

I  know.    But  if  they  happen  at  the  wrong  time,  and 
under  the  wrong  conditions  .  .  . 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[With  a  sni/l 

Well,  what  do  you  mean?    Do  you  mean  that  when  a 
boy  with  more  than  ordinary  brains  chooses  to  make  an 


74  VAN  ZORN 

utter  fool  of  himself,  and  continues  to  do  so  until  he  grows 
up  and  everybody  loses  all  patience  with  him  .  .  . 
[She  stops  and  looks  angrily  at  her  fingers] 

VILLA 

[Getting  up  and  speaking  thoughtfully] 
No,  I  don't  mean  just  that  .  .  .  George's  father  must 
have  been  a  very  strange  man. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Rapidly] 
It  doesn't  make  any  difference  what  you  mean.    Besides 

[Slowly,  with  significant  vagueness] 

if  you  consider  yourself  engaged  to  Weldon  Farnham,  you 
ought  not  to  think  of  other  men  at  all.  And  you  are  not 
supposed  to  know  anything  about  men  like  George  Lucas's 
father. 

VILLA 

[Laughing 
You  did  that  very  badly,  Auntie. 

[With  mock-deliberation] 

And  so  you  want  this  new  man  with  the  queer  name — this 
wonderful  creature — all  to  yourself! 

{Going  behind  MRS.  LOVETT  and  putting  her  hands  on  her  cheeks] 
And  you're  a  dear,  and  you're  a  pig,  and  you  want  him  all 
to  yourself,  and  it's  nearly  time  for  him  to  come. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Shaking  her  head  free  and  looking  over  her  shoulder] 
Do  you  know  that  you  grow  sillier  and  sillier  every  day 
of  your  life? 


ACT  II  75 

VILLA 

[Drawing  MRS.  LOVETT  back  and  looking  down  into  her  eyes] 
Well,  would  you  have  me  stay  forever  and  ever  the 
same?  ...  If  you  will  roll  your  eyes  back  just  a  little 
farther,  Auntie,  I  shall  see  myself  in  them— as  I  did  when 
I  was  a  little  girl. 

[Pause] 

THE  MAID 

[In  the  doorway] 

There  is  a  gentleman  to  see  Miss  Villa.    He  gave  me 
this  card. 

VILLA 

[Taking  the  card  and  examining  it] 
But  there's  nothing  on  it. 
[She  gives  the  card  to  MRS.  LOVETT  and  laughs  nervously] 

MRS.  LOVETT 
Dear  me!    I  hope  he  isn't  going  to  be  eccentric. 

VILLA 
He  may  be  an  anarchist  or  something. 

[Shrugs  and  laughs] 

Go  downstairs,  Jenny,  and  find  out  the  creature's  name, 
and  what  he  wants.   If  he  asks  for  fish,  give  him  a  serpent. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Reprovingly] 
Villa! 

MAID 
His  name  is  Mr.  Lucas. 


76  VAN  ZORN 

MRS.  LOVETT 
Then  why  didn't  you  say  so? 

VILLA 

Tell  him  to  come  upstairs,  Jenny. 
[The  MAID  goes  out] 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Bewildered] 

What  in  the  world  does  this  mean?    And  what  in  the 
world  do  you  mean  by  asking  him  to  come  upstairs? 

VILLA 

Heaven  only  knows,  Auntie.    I  don't  seem  to  know  what 
anything  means  today. 

[MRS.  LOVETT  sits  and  frowns,  and  looks  at  her  hands.  VILLA 
VANNEVAR  goes  to  the  window  and  stands  with  her  hands 
behind  her  back.  Presently  MRS.  LOVETT  turns  and  gazes 
at  her,  evidently  much  disturbed,  and  remains  gazing  at  her 
until  LUCAS  enters.  HE  is  pale,  and  his  manner  shows 
a  constraint  that  he  cannot  wholly  conceal.  His  clothes  have 
been  through  some  process  of  hasty  renovation  since  his  ap 
pearance  in  Act  I] 

LUCAS 

[With  a  certain  huskiness] 

I  hope,  Mrs.  Lovett,  that  you  will  pardon  this — I'll 
say  this  last  intrusion  on  my  part. 

[VILLA  comes  to  him  and  takes  his  hand  cordially,  looking  at  him 
as  if  disturbed  and  anxious] 


ACT  II  77 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Without  warmth] 
Are  you  leaving  New  York,  Mr.  Lucas? 

LUCAS 

[With  assumed  lightness] 

Yes;  and  it  might  have  been  better  for  me  if  I  had  gone 
long  before  this. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
Indeed? 

LUCAS 

[With  impulsive  directness] 

I  came  in  the  hope  of  seeing  Miss  Villa  for  a  few  moments 
before  going  away. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[Rising  slowly] 
Oh,  I  understand. 

[Reluctantly] 

In  that  case,  I  will  leave  you  two  to  yourselves. 
[LUCAS  and  VILLA  look  at  each  other  as  she  goes  out.    The  faces 
of  both  are  very  serious  and  in  hers  there  seems  to  be  an  ex 
pression  of  fear] 

VILLA 

[After  a  pause] 
Why  did  you  send  me  a  blank  card? 

LUCAS 

[With  a  thin  laugh] 

Oh,  I  don't  know.    Because  I  drew  it,  I  suppose.    It 
wasn't  a  very  brilliant  performance  on  my  part. 


78  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

[With  feeling] 

I  don't  think  it  was  at  all  brilliant — or  at  all  kind.  You 
ought  not  to  do  such  things,  or  say  such  things — to  me. 

LUCAS 

[With  weak  humor] 
I  knew  it  wasn't  brilliant  as  soon  as  I  had  done  it. 

[At  a  venture] 
Your  aunt  was  very  good  to  leave  us  here  together. 

VILLA 
Auntie  is  always  good — 

[Hesitating] 
or  means  to  be. 

LUCAS 

[With  a  vague  smile] 

I  am  glad  to  know  that,  for  I  should  be  sorry  to  leave 
you  with  an  aunt  who  was  not  good.  But  I  came  only  to 
say  good-bye, — not  to  talk  of  family  history,  or  of  old 
times. 

VILLA 
Would  any  harm  come  of  it  if  we  did  talk  of  old  times? 

[She  sits  down  on  the  chair  at  the  right  of  the  table] 
Please  sit  down. 

LUCAS 
No  harm,  I  suppose,  and  not  much  good. 

[With  a  forced  smile] 

No  great  good  seems  to  have  come  of  anything  that  I 
have  done. 


ACT  II  79 

VILLA 

[Frowning  anxiously} 
But  I  don't  know  what  you  have  done. 

[Trying  to  laugh] 

You  speak  as  mysteriously  as  Mr. — Mr.  Van  Zorn  did  this 
morning  when  he  talked  about  his  business. 

LUCAS 

[Sitting  down] 

Yes,  Van  Zorn  and  I  have  a  great  deal  in  common. 
[He  speaks  and  smiles  with  mild  bitterness] 

VILLA 
[Quickly] 

You  may  have.  I  couldn't  keep  from  seeing  that  he 
took  a  great  interest  in  you  this  morning. 

LUCAS 

[As  if  tired,  but  still  interested] 

If  you  could  see  that,  you  ought  to  be  able  to  see  almost 
anything.  You  ought  even  to  be  able  to  see  what  I  have 
done. 

VILLA 

[Angry  with  herself] 
But  I  didn't  mean  to  say  that.    You  know  I  didn't. 

LUCAS 

You  might  as  well  have  meant  to  say  it,  for  you  must  see 
that  I  have  done  nothing.  Even  Van  Zorn  took  the 
trouble — did  me  the  honor,  if  you  insist — to  see  as  much 
as  that. 


8o  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

[Lamely] 

He  saw  that  you  were  not — well,  not  quite  satisfied. 
Isn't  that  what  you  mean? 

LUCAS 
Do  you  know  anyone  who  is  quite  satisfied? 

[Pause] 

I  know  two  or  three  who  seem  to  be,  but  they  are  in 
asylums. 

VILLA 

[With  a  forced  laugh  and  a  shiver] 

Oh!  So  that's  where  they  are.  I  thought  there  must  be 
something  wrong. 

LUCAS 

[Standing  up  and  speaking  earnestly] 

You  are  quite  right.  There  is  something  wrong.  We 
see  it  in  the  streets,  we  live  it  in  our  lives,  we  feel  it  in  our 
hearts.  And  there  you  have  my  reason  for  coming  to  say 
good-bye  to  you. 

VILLA 
[Frightened] 

You  mustn't  speak  like  that — as  if  we  were  never  to  see 
you  again. 

LUCAS 
[As  before] 

And  there  you  have  my  reason  for  wanting  to  go  away 
into — what  shall  I  call  it? — into  another  kind  of  life,  and 
to  make  a  new  beginning.  It  seems  to  be  absolutely 


ACT  II  81 

necessary,  for  many  reasons,  that  I  should  make  a  new 
beginning.  Yes,  I  want  to  get  away  from  all  this  dust  and 
deceit  and  disillusion;  I  want  to  get  away  from  all  this 
noise  and  poison;  I  want  a  place  where  I  can  be  quiet  for  a 
while,  away  from  streets  and  faces;  I  want  a  place  where 
there  are  no  roofs  between  me  and  the  sky;  I  want  a  place 
where  the  sun  shines  down  on  a  fellow,  and  where  the  stars 
are.  ...  Oh  yes,  I  know  well  enough  what  I  want,  and 
I  know  that  I've  waited  too  long.  I  might  as  well  have 
gone  away  years  ago  .  .  . 

VILLA 

[Looking  down] 
Yes,  it  might  perhaps  have  been  as  well. 

LUCAS 
It  would  have  been  better — far  better. 

VILLA 

[Looking  up  and  hesitating 
Won't  you  tell  me  where  you  are  going? 

LUCAS 

[After  a  pause} 
I  am  going — west. 

VILLA 
You  are  not  very  confidential. 

LUCAS 
I  would  be  more  so  if  I  could. 


82  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

Mightn't  it  be  better  if  you  were  to  go  in  the  other 
direction — towards  the  sunrise?  .  .  .  Was  that  a  silly 
thing  for  me  to  say? 

LUCAS 
It  will  come  to  the  same  thing,  for  I  shall  follow  the  sun. 

[Trying  to  laugh] 
Some  people  do  that  all  their  lives — in  order  to  keep  warm. 

VILLA 

[Also  trying  to  laugh] 

Is  that  why  you  are  going  away?  But  you  told  me  why 
you  were  going.  I  forgot. 

LUCAS 

I  don't  want  you  to  forget  that.  What  I  want  you  to 
forget  are  some  things  that  happened  a  long  time  ago. 

VILLA 
[As  before] 

Do  be  careful.  You  speak  as  if  I  were  a  hundred  years 
old. 

LUCAS 

[With  strange  earnestness] 

I'll  be  very  careful,  or  at  least  I'll  try  to  be.  And  will 
you  be  good  enough  to  pardon  me  for  not  knowing  at  one 
time  as  much  as  I  know  now? — which  God  knows  is  little 
enough.  I  thought  I  knew  myself  then,  but  I've  seen  since 
that  I  was  wrong.  It  was  you  who  knew  me.  Yes,  you 
knew  me,  then,  and  you  know  me  still.  And  I  am  glad 
for  that. 


ACT  II  83 

VILLA 

[Doubtfully] 

You  don't  speak  as  if  you  were  glad  .  .  .  And  I  wonder 
if  it  is  really  worth  while  for  us  to  be  so  serious  over  a 
matter  that  is — past — and — 

LUCAS 
Forgotten? 

VILLA 

[Slowly] 

No,  there  is  nothing  that  I  wish  to  forget.    We  all  make 
mistakes,  don't  we?    How  can  we  help  ourselves? 
[She  smiles  sorrowfully] 

LUCAS 
We  were  younger  then  than  we  are  now. 

VILLA 

[Forcing  another  laugh] 

I  don't  know  what  I  shall  do  if  you  keep  on  telling  me 
how  old  I  am.    Do  you  know  that  I  pulled  three  gray 
hairs  out  of  my  poor  scalp  this  morning? 
[He  looks  at  her  solemnly,  and  her  face  becomes  suddenly  serious] 
How  long  do  you  intend  to  stay  in — the  west? 
[Her  question  is  obviously  a  makeshift  to  break  the  silence] 

LUCAS 

There  seems  to  be  no  answer  to  that  question — for  the 
present. 

VILLA 

But  you  are  coming  back  sometime? 


84  VAN  ZORN 

LUCAS 

Who  can  tell?  I  may  become  so  deeply  attached  to  the 
region  where  I  am  going  that  I  shall  not  wish  to  come  back. 
Besides  one  has  to  consider  the  wisdom  of  his  ways  in  this 
life — or  he  should  consider  them. 

[He  speaks  with  a  rather  disastrous  attempt  at  lightness  that  serves 
only  to  make  VILLA  more  dissatisfied  and  unhappy  than 
before] 

VILLA 
[Troubled] 
I  don't  understand  what  you  mean. 

LUCAS 

[With  an  effort} 
I  don't  mean  very  much. 

[Smiling  faintly] 

But  I  came  to  say  good-bye  before  going  away — not  to 
talk  about  wisdom. 

VILLA 

[Looking  at  him  as  she  rises] 
It  was  good  of  you  to  come. 

LUCAS 

[Drearily] 
It  was  magnanimous  of  me. 

[With  deep  feeling] 
I  wonder  if  you  know  how  good  you  have  been  to  me  today? 

VILLA 

[Trying  again  to  laugh] 
My  aunt  has  just  been  telling  me  that  I  am  wicked. 


ACT  II  85 

LUCAS 

[After  looking  about  the  room] 
Well,  good-bye. 

[He  holds  out  his  hand] 

VILLA 

[Holding  his  hand  and  speaking  as  if  unwillingly} 

Good-bye  .  .  .  and  I  wish  you  every  kind  of  good 
fortune. 

[Pause] 

And  I  shall  remember  you — always — if  you  care. 

LUCAS 

[With  difficulty] 
Always?  .  .  .  Thank  you  .  .  .  Good-bye  .  .  . 

[As  they  stand  looking  into  each  other's  eyes,  the  MAID  appears 
in  the  doorway  and  announces  "MR.  VAN  ZORN"] 

VILLA 

[Dropping  LUCAS'S  hand] 
Very  well,  Jenny.    Tell  him  to  come  upstairs. 

[The  MAID  disappears,  VILLA  and  LUCAS  continue  to  look  at 
each  other,  and  both  appear  now  to  be  embarrassed.  She 
speaks  again,  after  a  pause] 

Please  don't  go — quite  yet. 

LUCAS 
Why  should  I  stay  longer? 


86  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

[Trying  to  laugh] 
I  suppose  I  ought  to  keep  him  waiting,  but  I  won't. 

[Seriously] 

For  you  are  going  away,  and  I  feel  sure  that  he  would  like 
to  see  you  before  you  go  ...  Isn't  it  odd  that  you  two 
should  be  here  together  this  afternoon? 

LUCAS 
[Drily] 
It  may  be  odd. 

VILLA 
[Nervously] 

Or  it  may  be  fate.    Anyhow,  I  shan't  let  you  go  until 
you  see  him. 

LUCAS 

[With  tightened  lips] 
Apparently  not,  unless  I  run. 

VILLA 
You  aren't  angry  with  me,  are  you? 

LUCAS 

I'm  never  angry,  except  with  myself. 
[There  is  another  pause,  and  VAN  ZORN  enters.    He  looks  at 
VILLA  VANNEVAR  and  at  LUCAS,  but  shows  no  surprise. 
He  smiles  pleasantly  and  shakes  hands  with  VILLA] 

VAN  ZORN 
Ah!    I'm  very  glad  to  see  you  again. 

[Shaking  hands  with  LUCAS] 
And  I'm  very  glad  to  see  Mr.  Lucas  again. 


ACT  II  87 

VILLA 

[Quickly] 

I  thought  you  would  be  glad  to  see  him — for  he  is  going 
away. 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  slight  frown] 
May  I  ask  when  he  is  going? 

[He  turns  to  LUCAS  inquiringly] 

LUCAS 

[Rather  thickly] 
I  was  on  the  point  of  going  when  yau  came. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Seriously] 
May  I  ask  how  long  you  intend  to  stay  away? 

LUCAS 
I  expect  to  be  gone  indefinitely. 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  friendly  smile] 

You  may  shake  down  one  of  my  best  castles  if  you  do 
that. 

LUCAS 
I  should  be  sorry  to  shake  down  any  man's  castle. 

VAN  ZORN 
I'm  sure  of  that. 

[Stroking  his  chin  thoughtfully] 
I  wonder,  Miss  Vannevar,  if  you  would  pardon  me  if  I 


88  VAN  ZORN 

were  to  make  a  somewhat  surprising  request.    You  may 
think  it  even  eccentric. 

MRS.  LOVETT 

[Who  enters  while  he  speaks] 
We  like  eccentric  people. 

[Beaming  and  holding  out  her  hand] 
I'm  so  glad  to  see  you. 

VILLA 
[Laughing] 
But  what  is  this  awful  request  of  yours? 

VAN  ZORN 
I  was  going  to  ask 

[Smiling  at  MRS.  LOVETT,  who  smiles  in  return] 
if  you  would  be  kind  enough  to  leave  Mr.  Lucas  alone  here 
with  me  for  a  few  minutes.     I  fear  that  he  is  plotting 
against  me,  and  I  should  like  to  know,  before  he  leaves 
this  house,  that  his  plot  has  been  abandoned. 

[With  another  smile] 
I  am  quite  well  aware  that  this  request  is  unusual. 

VILLA 

[Taking  MRS.  LOVETT  by  the  arm  and  laughing] 
Oh,  that's  nothing!    Everything  is  unusual  today,  and 
it's  all  the  fault  of  Weldon's  picture.    Come  along,  Auntie, 
and  we  two  will  wait  for  what  happens. 

MRS.  LOVETT 
[Beaming,  but  bewildered] 

I'm  sure  I  don't  know  what  any  of  you  are  talking  about, 
but  of  course  I'll  do  as  I'm  told. 


ACT  II  89 

VILLA 

[Drawing  her  towards  the  door] 

Of  course  you  will.  What  else  can  you  do  when  two 
conspirators  drive  you  out  of  your  own  room? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Pleased] 

Thank  you.    And  when  we  have  conspired  sufficiently, 
I  will  play  on  the  piano.    Then  you  may  come  back. 
[The  two  women  go  out,  VILLA  VANNEVAR  singing  "Quand  on 
Conspire"  and  laughing  at  the  same  time] 

VAN  ZORN 
[Still  smiling 

Do  you  object  to  being  corralled  in  this  unconventional 
manner,  Mr.  Lucas? 

LUCAS 
[Puzzled] 
I  am  entirely  at  your  service. 

VAN  ZORN 
[In  a  very  friendly  voice] 

Well,  to  begin,  it  may  possibly  make  you  feel  better  to 
know  that  your  friends  have  been  talking  about  you  be 
hind  your  back. 

[He  sits  down  on  the  piano  stool,  with  his  back  to  the  keyboard] 
I  refer  to  Farnham  and  myself. 

[LUCAS  looks  more  puzzled] 

I'll  be  quite  honest  with  you  and  tell  you  that  I  began  it; 
and  I  may  as  well  come  to  the  point  at  once  and  tell  you 
that  I  shall  probably  need  you  in  my  business, — assuming, 


go  VAN  ZORN 

you  understand,  that  you  are  available.  I  have  had  three 
or  four  schemes  in  my  head  for  some  time,  and  I'm  sure 
that  you  will  find  at  least  one  of  them  congenial.  Are  you 
interested? 

LUCAS 

[Taking  an  ivory  paper  cutter  from  the  table} 
Yes,  I  am  interested,  but  I  don't  want  you  to  make  a 
mistake. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling 

I  shall  make  mistakes,  whether  you  want  me  to  or 
not.  And  as  for  what  Farnham  said — to  go  back  for  a 
little  .  .  . 

LUCAS 
[Drily] 

Let  us  go  back,  by  all  means.  What  Farnham  said 
about  me  ought  to  make  rather  good  copy. 

[Curiously} 
What  sort  of  stuff  has  he  been  telling  you? 

VAN  ZORN 

He  didn't  tell  me  much.  In  fact,  far  less  than  I  hoped 
for. 

[Laughing  a  little] 

So  you  needn't  worry  about  Farnham. 

LUCAS 

[Looking  at  something  on  the  wall  and  breaking  the  ivory  paper 
cutter  in  his  abstraction] 

I  wasn't  worrying  about  Farnham. 


ACT  II  91 

[Filling  the  pieces  together] 
I  was  wondering  about  you. 

[Pause] 

Do  you  know  what  you  are  doing?  .  .  .  Do  you  know  that 
you  are  taking  me  seriously? 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  friendly  smile] 

If  I  were  not  taking  you  seriously,  I  should  hardly  have 
resorted,  in  a  strange  house,  to  this  method  of  getting 
hold  of  you. 

[Half  laughing] 

Don't  you  care  to  be  taken  seriously?    Or  do  you  prefer 
to  be  taken  as  a  joke? 

LUCAS 
[Hesitating] 
Why  do  you  ask  me  if  I  care? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Pleasantly] 

Partly  for  the  sake  of  saying  something,  and  partly  be 
cause  I  should  like  to  know. 

LUCAS 

[With  tightened  lips] 

Why  don't  you  ask  me  the  other  question — and  have 
it  off  your  mind? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Indulgently] 
At  your  own  suggestion,  I  will.    I  will  ask  if  you  care 


92  VAN  ZORN 

enough  to  begin  the  game  all  over  again,  and  let  the  past 
sink. 

LUCAS 
[Cynically] 
The  past  ought  to  be  pretty  well  drowned  by  this  time. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Kindly,  but  very  distinctly] 

On  the  contrary,  I  have  been  led  to  infer  that  you  have 
put  yourself  to  a  great  deal  of  trouble  and  expense  to  keep 
it  floating,  so  to  speak.  As  a  rule,  I  don't  mean  to  meddle 
with  other  people's  affairs,  but  in  your  case  .  .  . 

[With  a  laugh] 

I'm  sure  you  understand  me.    You  have  a  head  of  your 
own. 

LUCAS 

[Nodding  it  slowly] 
Yes;  and  only  one. 

VAN  ZORN 
Do  you  think  it  worth  saving? 

LUCAS 

[Embarrassed] 

If  you  insist,  I — well,  I  suppose  I  do.  It's  a  fairly  good 
head,  in  some  respects.  But  why  should  we  talk  about  it 
now? 

[He  looks  about  him  uneasily] 

VAN  ZORN 

[Standing  up  and  gazing  at  LUCAS] 
Because  you  told  me  you  were  going  away.    Now  I  will 


ACT  II  93 

be  as  frank  as  possible  with  you  and  tell  you  that  I  didn't 
like  your  way  of  saying  it,  or  your  way  of  looking  when  you 
said  it. 

LUCAS 

[Wetting  his  lips] 
You  are  not  very  clear. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Seriously] 

I  am  as  clear  as  I  can  be,  without  having  more  specific 
information. 

[More  seriously] 

I  knew  another  fellow  once  who — went  away;  and  you 
made  me  think  of  him. 

LUCAS 
[Drily] 
How  far  did  he  go? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Firmly] 
How  far  did  you  intend  to  go? 

LUCAS 

[Nervously] 
You  seem  to  have  it  settled  that  I  am  not  going. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling  again] 
You  are  not  going  if  I  can  keep  you  in  New  York. 


94  VAN  ZORN 

LUCAS 

[Throwing  the  broken  paper  cutter  down  on  the  table  and  putting 

his  hands  in  his  pockets} 
I  thought  I  was  going. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Frowning  as  he  watches  him} 

You  speak  as  if  you  had  made  some  final  preparations. 
Sometimes  they  are  very  final  indeed — preparations. 

[Pause} 

Will  you  give  me  an  answer  to  my  question  if  I  ask  you 
just  what  preparations  you  have  made? 

LUCAS 
[Slowly] 

Yes,  and  I  will  give  you  more  than  that. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Relieved] 

Good.  But  I'm  not  going  to  be  satisfied  even  then. 
I  am  going  to  ask  you,  in  addition,  to  dine  with  me  this 
evening  at  the  Knickerbocker,  and  I  am  going 

[He  returns  to  the  piano  stool] 
to  ask  you  to  take  a  small  advance. 

[Taking  a  check  book  and  a  pen  from  his  pocket} 
If  you  don't  happen  to  need  this 

[He  writes  as  he  speaks} 
you  needn't  use  it,  but  I  want  you  to  take  it,  all  the  same. 

[Handing  him  the  check} 
Will  you? 


ACT  II  95 

LUCAS 
[Slowly] 

Yes,  I  will  take  it.   And  I  will  see  you  at— seven  o'clock? 

VAN  ZORN 
Thank  you. 

[He  toys  with  his  pen  as  if  he  were  waiting] 

LUCAS 

And  you  may  do  whatever  you  like  with  this. 
[He  takes  a  small  vial  from  his  waistcoat  and  gives  it  to  VAN  ZORN, 
who  takes  it  slowly] 

VAN  ZORN 

[Looking  at  the  vial  and  scowling] 
Cyanide  of  potassium? 

[He  smiles  grimly  and  shakes  his  head  as  he  looks  up] 
That  isn't  what  you  need. 

[He  looks  again  at  the  vial] 

K  C  N  .  .  .  do  you  know  what  that  makes  me  think  of? 
[He  looks  up  again  and  laughs  drily] 

LUCAS 

[Uncomfortably] 
Yes,  I  suppose  I  know. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Putting  the  vial  in  his  pocket] 
No,  I  don't  believe  you  do. 

[Smiling] 
It  makes  me  think  of  Sir  Joseph  Porter,  K.  C.  B.— in 


96  VAN  ZORN 

Pinafore.     The  last  letter  is  different,  however.     How 
does  that  thing  go? 

LUCAS 

[With  sardonic  distinctness] 

"When  I  was  a  lad,  I  served  a  term."    You  may  not 
believe  it,  but  I  did. 

VAN  ZORN 

Yes,  I  believe  it.    But  I  was  thinking  of  the  tune. 
[He  turns  on  the  stool  and  begins  to  drum  with  his  right  forefinger  on 

the  piano] 
Is  that  the  way  it  goes? 

LUCAS 

[With  grateful  impatience  to  get  away] 
Yes — and  this  is  the  way  I  go. 

[Grasping  VAN  ZORN'S  hand  quickly] 
You  will  say  something. 

[As  if  he  had  made  a  discovery] 
and  I  will  say  something. 

[Trying  to  hide  his  emotion  in  his  voice] 
I'll  make  some  sort  of  explanation. 

[LUCAS  disappears  quickly  into  the  hall  and  VAN  ZORN  begins 
to  drum  "  When  I  was  a  lad  "  once  more  on  the  piano.  VILLA 
VANNEVAR  appears  in  the  doorway  and  watches  him  unseen. 
Finally  she  laughs  and  begins  to  clap  her  hands] 

VAN  ZORN 
[Getting  up] 
Mr.  Lucas  has  gone. 

[Distinctly] 
But  not  so  far  as  he  thought  he  was  going. 


ACT  II  Q7 

VILLA 

[Looking  about} 
Did  he  go  through  the  roof? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling] 

No,  he  went  by  the  way  of  the  stairs — and  rather 
suddenly. 

VILLA 

[Puzzled] 
Did  he  leave  any  word  behind  him? 

VAN  ZORN 
Well,  yes.    He  told  me  to  say  something. 

VILLA 
What  did  he  tell  you  to  say? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling] 
That  was  all — something. 

VILLA 
Please  don't  laugh  at  me. 

VAN  ZORN 

Should  I  be  likely  to  do  that?    Especially  on  so  slight  an 
acquaintance? 
[He  laughs  a  little  as  he  speaks,  but  VILLA  remains  serious] 

VILLA 
[Slowly] 

It  doesn't  seem  to  be  slight — somehow. 


98  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  touch  of  mystery] 

Perhaps  it  isn't,  really.  We  mortals  know  very  little  of 
ourselves,  and  far  less  of  each  other.  As  a  consequence, 
we  make  mistakes. 

VILLA 

[Still  puzzled] 
Do  you  make  mistakes? 

VAN  ZORN 
Frequently. 

VILLA 

[With  a  nervous  laugh] 
I'm  so  glad. 

VAN  ZORN 

Do  you  know  that  many  of  us  waste  large  fractions  of 
our  short  lives  in  being  sorry  for  our  mistakes — and  often 
times  when  we  should  be  glad  for  them? 

VILLA 

[Puzzled] 
You  said  that  as  if  you  meant  something. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling] 
It  is  possible  that  I  did  mean  something. 

VILLA 
Now  you  are  laughing  at  me  again. 


ACT  II  99 

VAN  ZORN 

[Easily] 

Why  should  I  laugh  at  you  when  I  know  that  you  are 
not  happy? 

VILLA 
[Puzzled] 
Do  I  look  as  if  I  were  not  happy? 

VAN  ZORN 
Something  has  troubled  you  for  a  long  time. 

VILLA 
Why  do  you  say  that? 

VAN  ZORN 

If  I  had  not  known  it.  I  should  not  have  come  to  this 
house. 

VILLA 

[Trying  to  laugh  again] 

Did  I  look  so  utterly  miserable  this  morning  that  you 
took  pity  on  me?  Was  it  the  picture?  Or  did  you  think 
I  took  too  much  trouble  to  see  that  Weldon  laughed  at 
Mr.  Lucas? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Frowning  strangely] 
No,  it  was  not  that. 

VILLA 
You  seem  to  know  something  about  him. 

VAN  ZORN 
About  Lucas? 


loo  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

Yes.  You  have  kept  him  from  going  away.  I  am  sure 
that  he  wished  to  go. 

VAN  ZORN 

And  I  am  sure  that  he  intended  to  go.  But  I  ventured 
to  put  the  matter  in  a  different  light,  and  he  has  agreed  to 
give  New  York  another  chance.  New  York,  as  I  told  him, 
is  not  in  all  respects  the  worst  place  in  the  world. 

VILLA 

[Laughing  as  before] 
Weldon  thinks  it  is.    But  I  forgot  to  offer  you  a  chair. 

[Takes  the  chair  at  the  left  of  the  table} 
I  don't  wonder  that  Auntie  calls  me  all  sorts  of  things. 

VAN  ZORN 
Thank  you. 

[He  puts  his  hands  on  the  back  of  the  chair  at  the  left  and  looks  at 
her  as  if  waiting  for  her  to  say  more] 

VILLA 

[Looking  up  at  him] 

Yes,  he  thinks  New  York  is  the  very  worst.  And  that, 
I  suppose,  is  one  of  the  reasons  why  we  are  going  to 
Damascus. 

[She  laughs  again,  nervously] 

VAN  ZORN 

[Slowly] 
Damascus?  .  .  .  Why  Damascus? 


ACT' IT,  101 

VILLA 

Heaven  only  knows.  And  I  am  stupid  enough  to  like 
New  York.    I  like  even  the  ferry  whistles. 

VAN  ZORN 
Should  you  care  to  stay  here  forever? 

VILLA 

No,  I  don't  say  that.    I  want  to  go  to  Egypt  sometime 
and  see  the  Sphynx.    There  are  no  sphynxes  in  New  York. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling] 
Are  you  sure  of  that? 

[She  laughs] 
There  are  no  ferry  whistles  in  Damascus. 

VILLA 
Why  do  you  object  to  my  going? 

VAN  ZORN 
Why  should  I? 

VILLA 
Why  do  you  object  to  George  Lucas's  going — west? 

VAN  ZORN 
Because  I  have  taken  a  particular  interest  in  him. 

VILLA 
[Quickly] 
I'm  glad  of  that. 


102 


.VAN  ZORN 


[With  a  slight  constraint] 
For  I  have  known  him  all  my  life — and  I  like  him. 

[VAN  ZORN,  who  has  been  looking  from  time  to  time  at  the  portrait 
over  the  piano,  is  now  gazing  at  it  with  apparently  unconscious 
intentness] 

VILLA 

[Glancing  over  her  shoulder] 
Did  you  know  him — my  uncle? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Looking  at  her  and  shaking  his  head] 
I  did  not. 

VILLA 

My  poor  uncle  Lovett  was  unfortunate,  and  I  am  glad 
for  his  sake  that  he  is  dead.    Does  that  sound  hard? 

VAN  ZORN 
Far  from  it.   I  have  known  such  cases. 

VILLA 
He  died  in  this  room. 

VAN  ZORN 
I  am  not  superstitious. 

VILLA 
He  drank  himself  to  death. 

VAN  ZORN 
I  am  not  uncharitable. 

VILLA 

He  was  a  good  man. 


ACT  II  103 

VAN  ZORN 
I  have  no  doubt  of  it. 

[Pause] 
Lucas  is  a  good  man. 

VILLA 

[Earnestly] 

He  is  good.  And  I  hope  his  meeting  with  you  may  prove 
to  be  fortunate. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Steadily] 

Lucas  may  prove  to  be  the  most  fortunate  of  us  all. 
Don't  you  think  it  would  be  well  for  at  least  one  of  us  to 
be  fortunate,  even  if  the  others  are  not? 

VILLA 

[Half-frightened] 
The  others?    You  say  such  unexpected  things. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Still  with  his  hands  on  the  back  of  the  chair] 
Yes,  the  others.    The  others  who  are  not  going  to  be 
fortunate. 

VILLA 

[With  a  shrug] 

You  speak  like  a  wizard.  If  you  are  trying  to  cast  a 
spell  over  me,  you  might  as  well  let  me  know  beforehand. 

[Laughing  thinly] 
All  good  wizards  should  do  that,  I  think. 


104  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
[Firmly  but  rather  sadly] 
I  should  say  that  the  spell  had  already  been  cast. 

VILLA 
But  what  manner  of  spell  do  you  mean? 

[Nervously] 
There  are  spells  and  spells,  I  suppose.    Aren't  there? 

VAN  ZORN 

I  might  say  the  spell  that  compels  you  to  take  so  much 
apparent  satisfaction  in  being  insincere. 

VILLA 

[Looking  at  him] 
Insincere? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Nods  slowly] 

To  yourself  and  to  the  others.    To  the  others  who  are 
not  going  to  be  fortunate. 

VILLA 

[Biting  her  lip] 
Did  you  come  to  tell  me  this? 

VAN  ZORN 

I  came  because  I  was  called.    You  may  be  surprised,  but 
there  is  no  reason  why  you  should  be  offended. 

VILLA 

[With  a  cold  but  artificial  laugh] 
Amused,  you  mean. 


ACT  II  105 

VAN  ZORN 
[Calmly  and  distinctly] 

No,  that  is  not  what  I  mean.  For  you  cannot  possibly 
find  it  amusing  to  know  that  you  have  the  happiness  of  at 
least  three  lives  at  your  disposal  .  .  .  Yes,  in  your 
power  ...  Do  you  believe,  really,  that  it  would  be 
amusing  to  make  three  new  contributions  to  the  world's 
unhappiness — much  of  which,  from  any  finite  point  of 
view,  is  already  unnecessary? 

VILLA 

[Her  lips  tightening] 
I  don't  believe  you  realize  what  you  are  saying. 

[She  rises] 
No,  I  don't  mean  that  you  are  to  go. 

VILLA 

[She  goes  to  the  table  and  looks  aimlessly  at  some  objects  that  are 

on  it] 

Will  you  tell  me  something? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Now  at  the  right  of  the  table,  near  the  chair] 
Willingly,  if  I  can. 

VILLA 

[Toying  with  the  broken  paper  cutter] 

What  did  you  say  to  Weldon  Farnham  about — about 
this?  And  what  did  he  say  to  you? 

VAN  ZORN 
I  asked  him  for  one  interview. 


lo6  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

And  where  do  you  intend  to  go  at  the  end  of  this — one 
interview? 

VAN  ZORN 

My  own  way,  wherever  that  may  lie. 
[Very  distinctly] 

You  may  never  see  me  again,  but  you  will  kindly  believe 
me  when  I  assure  you  that  the  situation  before  you  is  not — 
amusing. 

VILLA 

[With  half-hearted  authority] 

Under  ordinary  conditions,  you  must  see  that  I  could 
not  listen  any  longer  to  what  you  are  saying. 

VAN  ZORN 
I  understand  you  perfectly. 

[Slowly,  with  a  strange  confidence] 

I  understand  at  the  same  time  that  these  are  not  ordinary 
conditions,  and  that  you  and  I  are  not  ordinary  people. 

VILLA 

[With  a  shrug] 
I  am  beginning  to  think  that  we  are  not. 

[With  a  reluctant  smile] 
Do  you  think  we  are  so  very  important? 

VAN  ZORN 

[With  his  hands  on  the  back  of  the  chair] 
Is  anything  important? 


ACT  II  107 

VILLA 
[Slowly] 
I  wonder — sometimes.    And  I  thought 

[Rather  feebly] 
that  you  were  a  friend  of  Weldon  Farnham's. 

VAN  ZORN 
His  best  friend,  so  far  as  I  know. 

VILLA 

Does  a  man's  best  friend  try  to  ... 
[She  stops  as  if  frightened] 

VAN  ZORN 
Yes  .  .  .  If  it  is  written  so,  yes. 

VILLA 

[As  if  compelled] 
Do  you  mean— "destiny?" 

VAN  ZORN 

You  may  give  it  whatever  name  you  choose.    May  I 
ask  you  another  question? 

VILLA 
I  suppose  so. 

.  [With  another  shrug] 

But  you  needn't  scare  me. 


Io8  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  melancholy  smile] 

That  is  the  last  thing  that  I  could  possibly  wish  to  do. 
What  I  have  now  to  ask  is  this :  Is  it  your  unalterable  will 
to  deprive  three  people,  including  yourself,  of  the  happiness 
that  might  as  well  be  theirs? 

VILLA 

[Trying  to  laugh] 

Why  do  you  speak  of  my  "will "  and  of  your  " destiny? " 
Mayn't  I  have  a  destiny  as  well  as  you? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Looking  at  the  portrait] 
You  have  one  undoubtedly.    And  I  have  one  interview. 

[He  stands  as  before  with  his  hands  on  the  back  of  the  chair  and 
watches  her  while  she  examines  various  objects  on  the  table] 

Are  you  sure  that  you  know  what  it  would  mean  if  you 
were  to  make  a  mistake  now? 

[She  gives  him  a  bewildered  look  that  is  meant  to  be  resentful,  but 
he  does  not  seem  to  notice  it] 

Are  you  sure  that  you  are  thinking  of  the  years,  and  the 
darkness,  and  the  long  roads  that  lie  in  the  darkness — and 
end  there?  Are  such  things  important,  or  are  they  still — 
amusing? 

[VILLA  stands  looking  vacantly  at  a  picture  post-card  that  is  in 
her  hand  and  finally  turns  the  card  towards  VAN  ZORN, 
speaking  with  a  trace  of  injured  and  half-frightened  humor 
in  her  voice  and  eyes} 


ACT  II  l°9 

VILLA 

[Irrelevantly} 
Did  you  ever  see  the  Lion  of  Lucerne? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Suddenly  inclined  to  laugh] 

No. 

VILLA 

[Laughing 
I  thought  you  had  seen  everything. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Shaking  his  head  slowly] 
I  haven't.    I  have  never  seen  you  but  once,  until  today. 

VILLA 

[Laughing  nervously] 

I  don't  see  what  the  Lion  of  Lucerne  has  to  do  with 
your  seeing  me. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Smiling] 

I  don't  see  what  the  Lion  of  Lucerne  has  to  do  with  any 
of  us. 
[He  looks  at  the  card  and  then  at  her,  with  the  same  melancholy 

and  inquiring  smile] 
I  dare  say  that  he  has  his  good  points. 

VILLA 

[Throwing  down  the  card  and  putting  her  hands  behind  her] 
I  still  think  that  I  ought  to  be  angry  with  you. 

[Ruefully] 
Every  nerve  and  fibre  tells  me  so. 


HO  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 

You  are  too  healthy  to  have  nerves  and  fibres.  And 
if  you  knew  yourself  better,  you  could  not  even  think  of 
being  angry  with  me. 

VILLA 

[With  humor  and  self-assertion] 

You  are  not  an  absolute  mystery,  and  I  know  a  great 
deal  about  you,  and  about  myself — that  is,  for  a  girl  who 
has  never  seen  the  Sphynx. 

[Taking  up  the  card  again  and  looking  at  it] 
I'll  tell  you  something  else  that  I  know — something  that 
I've  known  for  a  long  time. 

[He  nods  slowly] 
I  have  known  for  a  long  time  that  our  ways, 

[Quickly] 

Weldon's  way  and  mine,  I  mean, — have  been  leading  us 
just  where  you  have  said  they  are  leading  us — into  the  dark. 

[Looking  down] 
And  I  have  always  been  afraid  of  the  dark. 

[With  a  shrug  and  a  laugh] 

I  wonder  whether  your  coming  to  make  me  tell  you  this 
may  not  be  "  destiny  "  after  all. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Looking  at  her  fixedly] 
There  can  be  no  doubt  about  that. 

[They  stand  looking  at  each  other,  she  with  her  hands  behind  her, 
and  he  with  his  hands  on  the  back  of  the  chair.  After  a  pause 
she  turns  quietly  toward  the  door,  where  the  maid  is  seen 
standing] 


ACT  II  ill 

THE  MAID 

Mr.  Mink  would  like  to  see  you,  Miss  Villa. 

VILLA 

[Biting  her  Up  to  keep  from  laughing  at  VAN  ZORN'S  augmented 
solemnity] 

Tell  him  to  come  up,  Jenny. 

[To  VAN  ZORN] 

You  don't  look  as  if  you  were  going  to  be  glad  to  see  Otto. 
You  ought  to  be,  for  he  is  a  very  nice  boy. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Forcing  a  smile] 

So  I  have  been  told. 

[OTTO  enters  briskly,  with  a  book  in  his  hand.  Being  a  child  of 
nature  he  does  not  attempt  to  conceal  his  surprise  at  discovering 
VAN  ZORN  in  the  room] 

OTTO 
[Blankly] 
Oh!    How  do  you  do?  .  .  .  I'm  afraid  I'm  in  the  way. 

VILLA 

[Laughing] 

Of  what,  Otto?    You  foolish  child,  you  are  never  in 
the  way- 

OTTO 
[Doubtfully] 

I  don't  know  about  that.    But  I  have  come,  anyhow, 
as  I  said  I  would.    And  here,  my  adorable  young  lady, 


112  VAN  ZORN 

is  a  copy  of  my  latest  abhorred  twitterings.    Does  it  look 
wicked? 

VILLA 

[Taking  the  book  and  laughing  at  OTTO] 

It  looks  lovely.  But  why  do  you  call  it  Au  Cinquieme? 
You  don't  live  on  the  fifth  floor. 

OTTO 
[Briskly] 

That  isn't  necessary.  All  you  have  to  do  is  to  shut 
yourself  up  in  almost  any  kind  of  place,  have  in  a  barrel 
of  mangoes,  and  let  imagination  do  the  rest. 

VILLA 

[Laughing] 
Mangoes? 

OTTO 

[Cheerfully] 

Mangoes.  The  mango  has  the  flavor  of  all  the  fruits. 
If  you  eat  a  barrel  of  'em,  you  will  have  the  wisdom  of  all 
the  ages. 

[With  a  grimace] 

Unhappily,  I  didn't  eat  my  barrel  quite  fast  enough,  and 
so  I  lost  some  of  it. 

VILLA 

[Laughing] 
That  was  too  bad. 

[Looking  at  the  book] 
But  I  hope  the  critics  will  be  good  to  Au  Cinqui&me. 


ACT  II  113 

OTTO 

[Shaking  his  head  sorrowfully] 
They  won't. 

[Brightening] 

Do  you  remember  my  last  book — Huitres  et  Chablis? 

[She  nods  and  laughs] 
Thank  you  for  remembering  it.    Well, 

[Putting  his  hands  into  his  trousers  pockets] 
one  inky-fingered  imbecile  advised  me  to  write  one  more 
book  as  an  antidote  and  to  call  it  Huile  de  Foie  de  Morue, 
or  Cod-liver-oil, — that  being  his  private  idea  of  humor. 
No,  my  dear  young  lady,  Posterity  is  the  only  judge. 
Sometime,  therefore,  when  I  am  gone — sometime  when  you 
are  old  and  full  of  wrinkles — and  rheumatism,  if  God 
wills  it  so — some  far-off  winter  evening,  for  example,  when 
you  sit  by  the  fire,  with  your  cat  in  your  lap, — say  to  your 
self  that  Mink,  who  was  always  delicate,  once  took  you 
out  canoeing  and  contrived  somehow  to  spill  you  into  the 
beautiful  Hudson,  and  that  you  swam  ashore. 

VILLA 

And  nearly  died  laughing. 

OTTO 

Oh,  very  well.  But  I  can  assure  you  both 
[Looking  at  VAN  ZORN,  who  has  been  listening  rather  wearily] 
that  my  neglected  afflatus  is  of  no  manner  of  importance 
when  compared  with  a  bit  of  history  that  occurred  about 
half  an  hour  ago  on  Broadway,  not  far  from  Forty-second 
Street.  It  will  do  no  good  for  me  to  tell  it,  for  neither  of 
you  will  believe  it, — unless  you  believe  in  Noah's  Ark,  and 
such  like. 


114  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 
[Quickly] 

We  do  believe  in  Noah's  Ark,  and  you  will  please  go  on. 
Sit  down  and  tell  us  about  it. 

[She  sits  on  the  piano  stool] 

OTTO 

I'd  better  not.    I  might  not  be  able  to  get  up  again. 
Well  then,  it's  about  Phoebus— Old  Hundred— Lucas  .  . 
O  Lord! 

VAN  ZORN 

[With  a  quick  frown  of  inquiry] 
Has  anything  happened  to  Lucas? 

OTTO 

[Looking  from  one  to  the  other] 
It  isn't  easy  to  talk  about. 

VILLA 
[Impatiently] 
But  tell  me  what  you  mean,  Otto. 

OTTO 
I  mean 

[Folding  his  arms] 
that  Old  Hundred  has  refused  a  gin-rickey. 

VILLA 

[Forgetting  herself] 

Oh!  ...  But  after  all,  was  that  so  very  wonderful? 
[Her  manner  reveals  her  suppressed  excitement] 


ACT  II  115 

OTTO 

[Innocently} 
You  speak  as  if  you  thought  so. 

VILLA 

[M ore  naturally] 

I  spoke  because  I  was  glad.    It  was  the  only  thing  for 
him  to  do,  and  I  was  afraid  that  he  could  never  do  it. 

[Eagerly  again] 

Are  you  sure  that  he  has  done  it,  Otto, — or  is  this  only 
once? 

OTTO 

[With  a  queer  smile  of  reminiscence] 

He  has  done  it  fast  enough,  if  I  know  anything  about 
him. 

[To  VAN  ZORN,  with  sudden  expansion] 

You  see,  this  friend  of  ours  fills  himself  with  fluid  extract 
of  early  death  for  certain  years,  and  then,  all  of  a  sudden, 
on  Broadway,  not  far  from  Forty-second  Street,  he  slaps 
a  fellow  kindly  on  the  shoulder  and  tells  a  fellow  that  he, 
Phoebus,  has  been  born  again.  That  was  it, — "born 
again." 

[To  VILLA,  who  has  risen  to  her  feet  in  her  excitement] 

The  man  is  illuminated,  I  tell  you.  There  is  something  in 
his  eyes. 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  tightening  lips] 
Let  us  hope  it  is  not  dust. 


Ii6  VAN  ZORN 

OTTO 

[Standing  on  his  toes] 
No,  the  dust  is  in  our  eyes,  if  anywhere.    Or  it  was. 

VILLA 

[To  VAN  ZORN,  gratefully] 

Not  in  yours,  at  any  rate  .  .  .  And  you  have  been  the 
cause  of  it  all! 

[OTTO  looks  at  VAN  ZORN  in  amazement] 

VAN  ZORN 
[As  before] 

On  the  contrary,  I  don't  know  that  I  have  ever  been  the 
cause  of  anything.  But  I  agree  with  you  in  saying  that 
this  was  the  only  course  for  him  to  take,  although  I  have 
never  shared  your  fear  that  he  would  not  take  it. 

VILLA 

[Still  wondering] 
But  how  did  you  know  anything  about  him? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling  faintly] 

Oh,  there  are  signs.  Moreover,  I  permitted  Farnham 
to  tell  me  as  much  as  he  would  about  Lucas's  early  life. 

VILLA 
But  he  cannot  possibly  know  much  about  it. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Thoughtfully] 
He  spoke,  I  think,  of  an  eccentric  father. 

[He  glances  at  the  portrait  of  LOVETT] 


ACT  II  117 

VILLA 

Weldon  was  not  here  in  those  days  and  perhaps  it  was 
as  well  that  he  was  not, — for  he  might  not  have  understood. 

[As  if  to  correct  herself] 

I  mean  that  men  like  Weldon  find  it  hard  to  measure  the 
importance  of  things  that  happen  in  other  people's  lives. 
They  can't  do  otherwise,  I  suppose. 

VAN  ZORN 

All  of  which  being  granted,  there  still  remains  no  room 
for  doubt  as  to  Farnham's  friendliness  towards  Lucas. 

VILLA 

[Vexed] 

I  didn't  mean  that.  I  don't  see  how  I  came  to  speak 
as  I  did. 

OTTO 

[Going  to  VILLA] 

I'm  very  much  afraid  that  you  must  put  me  down  as  the 
tender  and  innocent  cause.  Pardon  my  interruption, 
and — beware  the  book. 

[After  a  somewhat  bewildered  pause] 
Good  afternoon. 

VILLA 

[As  he  is  going] 

Is  there  very  much  about  Nineveh  in  it? 
[She  laughs  rather  thinly] 


Ii8  VAN  ZORN 

OTTO 

[With  a  grimace] 

Nineveh  occurs  but  twice,  and  Babylon  has  disappeared 
entirely. 

[He  bows  with  exaggerated  deference  and  disappears] 
[After  OTTO'S  departure  there  is  a  pause.  VILLA  sits  down  in 
the  large  chair  at  the  left  of  the  table,  while  VAN  ZORN  stands 
looking  at  the  portrait.  Both  have  become  very  serious,  and 
VILLA'S  voice  and  manner  reveal  more  and  more  constraint 
and  emotion  during  the  following  scene] 

VILLA 

[Trying  to  smile] 
What  do  you  think  of  Otto,  now? 

[Pause] 
Wasn't  it  strange — what  he  told  us  about  George? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Standing  near  his  chair] 

Was  it  any  stranger  than  my  coming  to  this  house? 

VILLA 

[Embarrassed] 

But  your  coming  was  different,  and  I  knew  just  when  to 
expect  you. 

VAN  ZORN 
Did  you  know  just  why  you  were  to  expect  me? 

VILLA 
Well,  no, — not  quite. 


ACT  II  119 

VAN  ZORN 
Were  you  a  little  offended  at  my  request  to  see  you? 

VILLA 
[Slowly] 

No. 

VAN  ZORN 
You  must  at  least  have  thought  it  very  unusual. 

VILLA 
Possibly. 

[With  a  faint  smile] 

But  one  looks  for  unusual  things  from  you,  somehow  .  .  . 
But  I  shouldn't  have  said  that.    I  beg  your  pardon. 

VAN  ZORN 

I  am  asking  myself  whether  or  not  I  should  beg  your 
pardon. 

VILLA 

[Her  voice  trembling] 
For  telling  me  the  truth? 

VAN  ZORN 

No;  but  for  remaining  here  when  you  must  be  wishing 
that  I  would  go  away. 

[She  pauses,  rises  quickly  from  her  chair,  and  stands  before  him. 
She  can  hardly  control  herself.  He  looks  into  her  eyes  and 
then  turns  away] 


120  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 

[Almost  beseeching  him] 

No,  you  must  not  do  that!  You  must  not  go  yet!  „  .  . 
I  can't  let  you  go  until  I  tell  you  something. 

[She  moves  back  to  her  chair  and  sits  down  slowly] 

VAN  ZORN 
[Unhappily,  but  with  dignity] 

I  don't  wish  you  to  tell  me  anything  unless  you  are  sure 
that  I  should  hear  it;  and  I  don't  wish  to  take  advantage 
of  your  perplexity — or  of  your  unhappiness.  You  will 
understand  that,  I  am  sure;  and  you  will  agree  with  me, 
no  doubt,  when  I  say  that  my  position  has  already  become 
rather — well,  say  strange,  to  use  your  own  word. 

[With  unconscious  bitterness] 
It  will  serve  as  well  as  another. 

VILLA 

[Impulsively] 

I  don't  care  how  strange  it  is,  or  how  strange  you  are, 
so  long  as  I  know  that  I  can  trust  you.  .  If  you  were  not 
strange,  I  might  not  have  the  courage  to  ask  you  to  help 
me  ...  I  wonder  if  I  ought  to  wait  until  I  know  you 
better. 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  deep  feeling] 

You  will  never  know  me  better,  and  I  shall  be  always 
at  your  service. 


ACT  II  121 

[With  a  Utter  smile} 
"They  also  serve  who  only  stand  and  wait." 

[Pause] 
Even  the  blind  can  serve,  in  their  limited  way. 

VILLA 

[Choking] 

You  must  not  say  that  again.  You  must  not  ... 
[Her  voice  breaks  completely.  She  throws  herself  forward,  laying 
her  head  and  arms  upon  the  table.  Her  whole  body  shakes, 
as  if  the  prisoned  emotion  of  years  were  finally  asserting  itself. 
VAN  ZORN  stands  with  his  hands  on  the  back  of  his  chair  and 
looks  down  at  her  with  a  great  sorrow  in  his  eyes.  Finally  he 
turns  from  her  to  the  part  of  the  table  that  is  near  him  and 
absently  picks  up  the  pieces  of  ivory  that  LUCAS  has  broken] 

VAN  ZORN 

[Fitting  the  pieces  together,  and  speaking  with  difficulty] 
Then  you  are  not  going  to  Damascus,  after  all. 

[VILLA'S  body  still  shakes  with  her  emotion,  and  she  makes  no  sign 
to  show  that  she  has  heard  him.  He  looks  down  at  her  as  the 
curtain  falls] 

CURTAIN 


ACT  III 


ACTIH 

FARNHAM'S  studio,  a  little  after  ten  in  the  evening.  When  the 
curtain  rises  the  room  is  dark,  save  for  the  light  of  the  fire 
which  is  now  burning  in  the  grate. 

FARNHAM  is  lying  stretched  on  the  window  seat.  Presently  he 
gets  up  rather  lazily,  turns  on  the  light,  looks  at  his  watch 
and  stands  in  the  middle  of  the  room  with  his  hands  thrust 
deep  into  the  pockets  of  a  black  velvet  house  coat.  Apart 
from  this  coat  he  is  in  evening  dress.  He  moves  about  aim 
lessly,  yawns,  and  takes  a  cigar  from  the  box  on  the  table. 
As  he  is  lighting  it,  the  bell  rings.  He  remains  motionless 
for  a  little  while,  and  a  strange  hard  smile  comes  over  his  face. 
Finally,  with  a  shrug  of  his  shoulders  he  goes  to  the  door  and 
admits  VAN  ZORN,  who  is  dressed  in  ordinary  business 
clothes.  His  face  wears  a  serious  expression  and  he  greets 
FARNHAM  with  a  kindly  but  somewhat  uncanny  smile. 
Then  he  looks  towards  the  portrait  on  the  easel,  which  has 
been  moved  back  to  its  original  place  in  Act  7. 

FARNHAM 

[Still  smiling  drily] 

For  such  a  demon  of  punctuality,  it  seems  to  me  that 
you  are  a  bit  late. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling  as  before] 

Am  I  so  insufferably  punctual  that  I  cannot  have  five 
minutes'  grace? 

[He  takes  off  his  overcoat} 
125 


126  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 

[Taking  his  coat  and  hat  and  putting  them  on  the  window  seat] 
Oh,  no  offence.    You  have  made  your  own  reputation. 

[VAN  ZORN  goes  to  the  fire] 
Are  you  cold? 

VAN  ZORN 
It's  rather  cool  outside. 

FARNHAM 

[With  a  grin] 

I  noticed  that  when  I  came  out  of  the  subway.    Aren't 
you  going  to  sit  down? 

VAN  ZORN 
Presently. 

FARNHAM 

Take  your  time  about  it.    Have  a  cigar. 
[He  holds  out  the  box  and  smiles] 

VAN  ZORN 
I'll  take  one  later,  if  you  don't  mind. 

FARNHAM 
It's  a  Pedro. 

VAN  ZORN 
Not  now. 

FARNHAM 
[Coaxingly] 
Colorado. 

[VAN  ZORN  shakes  his  head  and  smiles  patiently] 
Very  well.    Pardon  me  if  I  appear  to  urge  you. 


ACT  III  127 

VAN  ZORN 
I  can  think  of  no  one  who  should  ask  me  to  pardon  him. 

FARNHAM 

You  remind  me  of  the  noble  Spaniard  who  had  no 
enemies  because  he  had  killed  them  all. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling  faintly] 

I  have  never  killed  anybody,  to  my  knowledge.  I  may 
once  have  had  something  to  do  with  bringing  a  man  back 
to  life  again. 

FARNHAM 
That  was  good.    Did  he  thank  you  for  it? 

VAN  ZORN 
He  didn't  say  very  much. 

FARNHAM 
They  don't  as  a  rule,  I  believe.    By  the  way, 

[Grinning] 
when  do  you  intend  to  tackle  Old  Hundred? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Frowning  slightly] 
I  dined  with  Lucas  this  evening — if  you  mean  Lucas. 

FARNHAM 

[Surprised] 
Oho!    You  did?— Did  he  get  drunk? 


128  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
He  did  not. 

FARNHAM 

[Not  too  pleasantly] 

Oh  well,  you  needn't  be  discouraged  over  that.  There'll 
be  time  enough  between  now  and  midnight. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Distinctly] 

There  will  be  time  enough  between  now  and  midnight 
for  more  things  than  you  may  have  considered. 

FARNHAM 

[Puzzled] 

I  have  no  doubt  of  it.  But  no  matter  about  Lucas. 
Tell  me  something  more  about  your  destiny. 

[Drily] 
How  is  your  destiny  this  evening,  anyway? 

VAN  ZORN 
[Still  standing  by  the  fire] 

My  destiny  is  a  very  good  destiny,  but  unfortunately 
it  has  encountered  one  that  is  better. — Unfortunately  for 
myself  I  mean, — not  in  any  sense  for  others. 

FARNHAM 

[Patronizingly] 

You  are  a  good  fellow — altogether  too  good  to  be  put 
at  a  disadvantage.  But  this  once — only  this  once,  upon 
my  word — I  can't  help  repeating  that  I  didn't  think  much 


ACT  III  129 

of  it.    One  interview,  and  all  that  sort  of  thing.    You  see, 
it  wasn't  quite  in  your  line. 

[Pause] 

Well,  how  much  am  I  to  know? — and  how  soon  am  I  to 
know  it? 

[Drily] 

Suppose  you  sit  down  in  that  chair. 

[Indicating  the  large  chair] 
The  consequent  relaxation  may  be  a  good  thing  for  you. 

VAN  ZORN 
Thank  you,  I  will. 

[He  sits  down  and  begins  to  drum  with  his  fingers  on  the  arms  of 
the  chair] 

FARNHAM 

[Sitting  down] 
Now  you  look  more  comfortable. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Abruptly] 

I  told  you,  Farnham,  that  I  thought  Lucas  and  I  might 
possibly  be  of  service  to  each  other. 

FARNHAM 

[Wearily] 

Can't  you  forget  Lucas  for  the  rest  of  this  evening? 
Granting  all  his  noble  qualities — including  his  indefat 
igable  industry — I  don't  yet  understand  that  you  came 
here  to  talk  about  him. 


130  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
[Earnestly] 

Farnham,  if  you  had  known  what  you  were  asking, 
you  would  never  have  asked  me  to  forget  Lucas  this  even 
ing.  I  may  forget  my  name,  and  my  age,  and  my  way  to 
Forty-second  Street,  but  I  shall  not  be  likely  to  forget 
Lucas  this  evening. 

[Pause] 

You  told  me  this  morning,  I  believe,  that  you  had  had 
enough  of  him  for  one  day. 

FARNHAM 

[Puzzled  and  irritated] 

Most  assuredly  I  did,  and  I  meant  what  I  said.  I'll 
be  as  glad  as  anybody  if  you  can  straighten  him  out,  but 
what  the  devil  sense  is  there  in  harping  on  him  from  morn 
till  dewy  eve?  Why  not  let  Lucas  go  for  the  present? 

[Becoming  more  incisive] 

You  started  out  this  afternoon,  I  believe,  to  acquire  some 
very  special  information  that  doesn't  seem  to  be  forth 
coming. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Slowly] 
It  will  come  .  .  .  And  as  for  letting  Lucas  go— 

FARNHAM 

[Throwing  up  his  hands] 
Good  God! 

VAN  ZORN 

[Calmly] 
—letting  Lucas  go  will  be  very  difficult.     In  fact,  it 


ACT  III  131 

will  be  out  of  the  question.  Instead  of  letting  Lucas  go, 
I  fear  that  we  shall  be  under  the  necessity  of  letting  Lucas 
come. 

FARNHAM 

[Unpleasantly] 

What  are  you  talking  about?  I  didn't  ask  him  to 
come,  did  I? 

VAN  ZORN 

[As  before] 
You  did  not,  and  /  did  not. 

[Drumming  with  his  fingers] 

But  he  is  coming  all  the  same.  I  have  no  doubt  that  he  has 
been  coming — through  the  ages. 

FARNHAM 

[Laughing  drily] 
So  that's  it.    More  of  your  infernal  Destiny ,  I  suppose. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Earnestly] 

Whatever  you  do,  Farnham,  you  had  better  wait  a 
while  before  you  begin  to  find  fault  with  Destiny.    For  I 
should  be  inclined  to  say  that  you  are  going  to  be  far  more 
fortunate  than  I  am,  or  am  ever  likely  to  be. 
[He  looks  thoughtfully  about  the  studio] 

FARNHAM 

Oh,  you  needn't  try  to  smooth  it  over  like  that.  I  only 
meant  that  I  was  looking  forward  to  this  evening  for  a 
different  kind  of  talk  from  this. 


132  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 

[Quietly] 
You  will  have  it  yet. 

FARNHAM 

[Wearily] 
With  Lucas? 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  deliberation] 

Farnham,  if  I  don't  give  you  certain  information  that 
you  have  every  reason  to  expect,  it  is  because  I  don't  feel 
that  I  am  in  a  position  to  give  it.  But  I  will  say, 

[Smiling] 

at  the  risk  of  my  life,  that  Lucas  has  been  straightened  out. 
I  don't  know  just  how  I  know  it,  but  I  know  it. 

[With  another  smile] 

Your  engaging  friend  Otto  brought  the  news  this  after 
noon — 

[Casually] 
not  long  after  Lucas  left  Mrs.  Lovett's  house. 

FARNHAM 

[Rising  and  speaking  sharply] 

Lucas  at  Mrs  Lovett's  house?  .  .  .  You  are  keeping 
something  back  from  me,  and  I  should  like  very  much  to 
know  what  it  is. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Reluctantly] 

Yes,  I  am  keeping  something  back.  And  I  have  some 
thing  else  that  I  was  requested,  and  finally  persuaded,  to 


ACT  III  133 

give  to  you  this  evening.  I  would  rather  not  do  it,  but  it 
may  be  as  well  that  I  should. 

FARNHAM 

[With  dry  fervor] 

I  hope  it  will  be  something  more  tangible  than  what 
you  have  been  giving  me. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Giving  him  a  small  object] 
There  it  is. 

FARNHAM 

[After  a  stupefied  pause] 

Man  alive,  are  you  out  of  your  senses?    This  is  Villa 
Vannevar's  ring.    What  the  devil  has  been  going  on? 

[Sharply] 
Why  don't  you  tell  me? 

VAN  ZORN 
Miss  Vannevar  will  do  that. 

[FARNHAM  scowls  incredulously] 

She  and  Lucas  have  been  together,  at  her  special  request, 
since  eight  o'clock.  Until  she  comes,  please  remember  that 
I  am  acting  only  as  a  messenger. 

FARNHAM 

[Looking  from  the  ring  to  VAN  ZORN] 
Are  you  all  trying  to  make  a  fool  of  me?    Are  you  the 


134  VAN  ZORN 

friend  that  I  have  been  trusting  and  praising  all  these 
years? 

[With  a  falling  inflection] 

I'd  better  build  a  cabin  in  the  woods  .  .  .  What  does  all 
this  insanity  mean,  anyhow?  You  can  answer  that  ques 
tion,  if  you  have  a  mind  to,  and  you  know  it  damned  well. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Quietly] 
Farnham. 

[Pause] 

You  are  going  to  have  two  more  visitors  this  evening,  and 
they  are  nearly  due.  They  are  not  going  to  stay,  in  all 
probability,  more  than  fifteen  minutes.  When  they  are 
gone,  you  and  I  may  have  something  more  to  say  to  each 
other. 

FARNHAM 
That  is  altogether  possible. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Ruing] 

And  if  I  have  been  the  indirect  means  of  this  sudden 
change  in  the  course  of  events,  I  wish  you  to  know  that  I 
believe,  as  I  stand  here,  that  events  would  have  taken  the 
same  course,  though  not  quite  so  suddenly,  if  I  had  never 
gone  to  Mrs.  Lovett's  house  this  afternoon.  I  mean,  you 
understand,  so  far  as  events  concern  you  personally.  So  be 
a  good  fellow  and  try  to  keep  a  little  of  your  old  faith  in 
me. 

[Pause] 

Do  you  hear  a  motor  coming? 


ACT  III  135 

[He  takes  out  his  watch  and  smiles  wearily  at  FARNHAM] 

They  are  on  time,  if  I  was  not. 

[The  bell  rings.  FARNHAM  admits  LUCAS  and  VILLA  VANNEVAR. 
LUCAS  has  more  color  in  his  face,  and  his  eyes  are  brighter 
than  in  the  morning.  He  carries  himself  through  the  follow 
ing  scene  with  far  more  dignity  and  ease  than  might  be  ex 
pected,  with  now  and  then  a  facial  suggestion  of  appreciative 
humor.  Of  the  two  VILLA  is  the  more  excited,  but  hers  is  the 
excitement  of  determination  rather  than  of  embarrassment  or 
fear] 

FARNHAM 

[To  the  three,  after  rather  formal  greetings  to  LUCAS  and  VILLA] 
Well,  I  have  the  honor  to  report  that  I  am  still  in  the 
dark. 

[With  a  hard  smile] 
Won't  you  all  sit  down? 

[They  remain  standing] 

VILLA 

[Going  to  FARNHAM  and  speaking  with  suppressed  excitement] 
Oh,  but  I  am  glad  to  hear  you  say  that — that  you  are  in 
the  dark. 

[He  nods  with  condescension  and  she  steps  back  a  little] 
I  was  afraid  you  didn't  know  it. 

[Pause] 

Weldon,  do  you  know  what  it  was  doing  to  me?  But  you 
don't,  because  you  can't.  I  shall  have  to  tell  you  what  it 
was  doing.  It  was  driving  me  mad. 

FARNHAM 

[Drily,  with  a  glance  at  LUCAS] 
Kindly  go  on. 


136  VAN  ZORN 

VILLA 
It  was  killing  me. 

[FARNHAM  nods  again] 

I  know  you  are  going  to  think  some  dreadful  things  about 
me, — and  say  them  too,  I  suppose. 

[Rapidly] 

But  whatever  you  do  or  say,  don't  ever  forget  that  I  am 
the  cause  of  all  that's  happened  this  evening.  I  took  the 
matter  into  my  own  hands — just  because  I  couldn't  wait. 
And  when  my  mind  was  once  made  uo  that  I  couldn't 
wait, — well,  I  couldn't  wait. 

[He  nods  again] 

And  I  couldn't  see  much  need  of  spending  days  and  nights 
in  talking  about  it. 

FARNHAM 

[With  a  shrug,  and  another  look  at  LUCAS] 
Naturally  not. 

VILLA 
[To  VAN  ZORN,  who  is  standing  near  the  fire] 

And  you 

[Gratefully  but  rapidly] 

— you  remember  what  I  told  you  when  I  got  over  that 
foolish  fit  of  crying.  I  told  you  that  nothing  could  ever 
make  me  change,  and  I  asked  you  to  help  me.  You  told 
me  first  that  you  would  rather  not,  and  you  said  something 
that  I  didn't  hear  about  circumstances;  but  finally  you 
did  agree  to  do  a  little — just  because  you  could  see  that  I 
was  so  much  in  earnest — and  that  nothing  could  ever  make 
me  change — and  that  I  couldn't  wait. 
[VAN  ZORN  replies  with  a  slow  nod,  and  FARNHAM  grins  at  LUCAS 
with  sardonic  incredulity] 


ACT  III  137 

FARNHAM 

[To  VILLA,  with  a  dry  laugh] 

Will  you  be  so  kind  as  to  let  me  know  what  this  thing 
is  or  was, — you  haven't  yet  given  it  a  name — that  was 
driving  you  mad,  and  killing  you,  and  whatever  else  it 
may  have  been  doing?  You  don't  look  to  me  like  a  dying 
person,  as  you  stand  there  now. 

VILLA 

[Impatiently] 

Oh,  you  know  what  it  was.  It  was  our  horribly  false 
position — pretending  to  care  for  each  other  when  we 
didn't — I  mean  when  we  didn't  care  enough. 

FARNHAM 

[Unpleasantly] 

In  that  case,  perhaps  you  will  be  good  enough  to  tell 
me  what  sort  of  position  you  would  call  this  that  we  are 
in  now. 

[He  looks  at  LUCAS  and  VAN  ZORN] 

Lucas,  why  do  you  stand  there  like  that?    Why  don't  you 
say  something — if  you  have  anything  to  say? 

VILLA 

[Quickly,  looking  from  LUCAS  to  FARNHAM] 
He  can't  speak  yet,  for  I  shan't  let  him.    I  shan't  let 
anybody  speak  until  I  have  said  what  I  have  to  say.    No, 
not  one  of  you  three  can  say  a  word  until  I  tell  you  that 
I  have  asked  George  Lucas  to  marry  me. 

[FARNHAM  and  VAN  ZORN  are  almost  equally  surprised  at  this 
announcement,  though  the  latter  quickly  regains  his  usual 


138  VAN  ZORN 

composure.  LUCAS  looks  at  first  as  if  he  would  like  to  get 
away,  but  endures  his  unlooked-for  prominence  with  an 
Indian-like  resignation] 

There! 

[With  her  hands  behind  her  back] 

Now  you  may  all  speak  at  once,  if  you  care  to. 

FARNHAM 

[Going  to  VILLA,  after  a  pause,  and  taking  one  of  her  hands] 
Villa,  what  is  the  matter  with  you  this  evening?    Has 
the  moon  driven  you  insane? 

[To  LUCAS,  sharply] 
Lucas,  why  don't  you  say  something? 

LUCAS 

[With  a  dry  cough] 

You  are  quite  right.     The  time  has  come  for  me  to 
speak. 

FARNHAM 

Well,  if  the  time  has  come  for  you  to  speak,  why  the 
devil  don't  you? 

LUCAS 

[Calmly,  but  uncomfortably  and  with  several  oratorical  pauses] 
I  am  going  to  say  something — and  I  don't  see  how  it  is 
going  to  take  me  very  long  to  say  it. 

[With  another  cough] 

Knowing — as  I  need  hardly  tell  you  now — that  I  could  not, 
in  view  of  my  past  and  present  circumstances — presume  to 
ask  of  this  lady  the  kind  of  question  that  she  has  taken 
upon  herself  to  ask  of  me — and  this  time  without  wholly 


ACT  III  139 

anticipating  its  immediate  effect  upon  one's  nervous 
organization, — well,  I  can  only  say  that  she  has  acted  in 
accordance  with  her  own  convictions  in  regard  to  the  solu 
tion  of  a  rather  difficult  problem,  and  has  thereby  placed 
me  under  excessive  obligations — that  she  cannot  expect 
ever  to  be  entirely  fulfilled. 

[To  FARNHAM,  with  a  faint  smile] 

Whatever  else  you  may  wish  me  to  say  will  be  related, 
with  your  permission,  at  another  time. 

FARNHAM 

[With  cold  humor] 

"  She  has  acted  in  accordance  with  her  own  convictions 
in  regard  to  the  solution  of  a  rather  difficult  problem." 

[To  VAN  ZORN,  drily] 
As  she  sees  it,  I  suppose. 

VAN  ZORN 
Is  there  more  than  one  way  to  see  it? 

FARNHAM 
I  see  it  as  a  bit  of  impetuous  farce. 

VILLA 

[Protesting  violently] 

No,  don't  say  impetuous.  Say  anything  but  that.  Say 
determined — ordained —  premeditated —  desperate — any 
thing  but  impetuous.  I'll  not  have  anybody — not  even 
George — tell  me  that  I  was  impetuous  when  I  was  only 
sensible.  You  might  as  well  call  me — I  don't  know  what. 
You  might  as  well  call  me  a  fool. 


140  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 

[With  reluctant  humor] 

Do  you  know,  my  dear  young  lady,  that  you  are  using 
some  rather  positive  language? 

VILLA 
[Still  excited] 

I  don't  care.    I  must  use  it,  in  order  to  make  myself 
understood. 

[To  LUCAS] 
Tell  him,  George,  about  the  ring. 

FARNHAM 

[Satirically] 
Yes,  George,  let  us  hear  about  the  ring. 

LUCAS 

She  means  that  the  ring  would  have  been  returned  to 
you  in  any  case. 

FARNHAM 

[To  VAN  ZORN,  with  fine  irony] 
And  this  is  your  work. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Distinctly] 

No,  my  friend,  you  are  mistaken.    It  is  not  the  work  of 
any  human  being — in  this  room,  or  out  of  it. 

FARNHAM 

[Wearily] 

Oh,  the  devil!    I've  heard  all  that  before. 
[VAN  ZORN  shrugs  his  shoulders  and  looks  at  the  fire] 


ACT  III  141 

VILLA 

[Earnestly] 

Weldon,  let  me  tell  you  again  what  I  told  you  when  I 
came  in. 

[With  intensity] 

It  was  killing  me.    It  was  driving  me  mad. 

FARNHAM 

[Throwing  up  his  hands] 

For  heaven's  sake,  are  you  going  to  drag  that  nonsense 
in  again? 

VILLA 

It  meant  the  torture  of  our  two  lives  .  .  .  The  ruin  of 
them,  for  all  we  know. 

FARNHAM 

[With  a  careless  absence  of  emotion] 

Lives  are  not  so  easily  ruined  as  all  that.    If  they  were, 
some  of  us  would  be  ruined  before  we  were  born. 

VAN  ZORN 

[With  a  faint  smile] 
Some  of  us  are,  Farnham. 

FARNHAM 

[To  VAN  ZORN,  with  hesitation] 

Don't  you  think  that  you  have  contributed  about  enough 
to  the  needless  absurdity  and  injustice  of  all  this  .  .  . 

VILLA 
[Quickly] 
No,  you  must  not  say  that  to  him.    It  was  I  who  did 


142  VAN  ZORN 

this,  and  it  was  I  who  insisted  that  it  should  be  done  to 
night.  If  your  best  friend  had  not  helped  me,  I  should 
have  done  it  sooner  or  later  without  him  .  .  .  Now  will 
you  let  me  go  on  from  where  I  was  when  you  interrupted 
me? 

FARNHAM 

[With  evident  admiration] 
Yes,  if  you  remember  where  that  was. 

VILLA 

[With  animation] 

It  was  where  I  was  going  to  say  something  more  about 
George. 

[FARNHAM  looks  at  LUCAS,  who  is  looking  at  the  bust  of  Shake 
speare] 

Weldon,  there  are  certain  people  in  this  world  who  are 
made  for  each  other.  You  may  laugh  at  me  for  saying 
so — I  know  it  isn't  very  original — but  I  believe  it  to  be 
true,  and  that  makes  it  just  the  same  as  if  it  were  true. 
Well  then,  I  believe  that  George  Lucas  and  I  have  be 
longed  to  each  other  since  the  beginning  of  our  lives,  and 
I  have  known  it  ever  since  I  can  remember.  I  knew  him 
long  before  I  knew  you,  and  I  know  more  about  him  than 
you  have  ever  known  or  ever  can  know; 

[FARNHAM  looks  again  at  LUCASJ 

and  once,  when  I  was  so  scared  and  happy  that  I  didn't 
know  what  to  do — this  was  ages  ago — I  told  Auntie  all 
about  it. 

[With  comical  directness] 

Auntie  didn't  like — his  father. 


ACT  III  143 

FARNHAM 

[With  venomous  humor] 
And  what  did  Auntie  say? 

VILLA 

[With  a  shrug  and  a  rueful  laugh] 

Oh  dear!  If  I  were  to  try  to  tell  you  what  she  said,  I 
shouldn't  know  how  to  begin  or  where  to  end.  It  doesn't 
make  so  much  difference  what  Auntie  said,  so  long  as  she 
said — what  she  said. 

[With  unconscious  humor,  looking  down] 
She  didn't  like  George's  father. 

FARNHAM 

[Grinning  at  LUCAS] 
Did  she  like  George? 

[Pause] 
George  doesn't  seem  to  have  anything  more  to  say. 

LUCAS 

[With  dry  emphasis] 

Yes,  George  has  one  thing  more  to  say.  He  has  to  say 
that  he  has  not  yet  accepted  the  lady's  offer. 

FARNHAM 

[Scowling] 
Then  why  are  you  here? 

LUCAS 

To  do  so  in  your  presence— now  that  you  understand 
the  situation. 


144  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 

But  I  don't  understand  the  situation— except  in  the 
vaguest  kind  of  way  ...  I  knew  about  it  in  that  way 
before. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Still  standing  by  the  fire] 
Farnham,  I  don't  like  to  interrupt  you. 

FARNHAM 
Oh — you  don't  .  .  . 

VAN  ZORN 

But  why  debate  the  inevitable?  It  will  do  no  manner  of 
good,  and  it  will  be  likely,  as  Miss  Vannevar  has  already 
implied,  to  take  up  a  great  deal  of  time. 

FARNHAM 

[Drily] 

Have  you  been  coaching  them? 

[VAN  ZORN  makes  a  gesture  of  resigned  protest,  but  says  nothing] 
Well,  you  haven't  told  me  what  you  said  to  Lucas  during 
dinner. 

VAN  ZORN 

I  told  Lucas  that  Miss  Vannevar  wished  very  much  to 
see  him  as  soon  as  possible  after  eight  o'clock. 

FARNHAM 
Was  that  all? 

VAN  ZORN 
Substantially,  yes. 


ACT  III  145 

FARNHAM 
Mightn't  that  leave  a  pretty  wide  margin  for  conjecture? 

VAN  ZORN 

It  might,  but  it  doesn't.  Please  remember  that  when  I 
told  you  of  my  interest  in  Lucas,  I  was  not  anticipating 
the  developments  that  have  transpired. 

FARNHAM 

[Unwilling  to  let  the  subject  go] 

But  you  are  the  cause  of  these  developments,  for  all 
that.  What  did  you  say  to  Villa  after  Otto  went  away? 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  slight  weariness] 

I  didn't  find  a  great  deal  to  say.  I  told  her  pretty  much 
what  I  have  told  you, — that  Lucas  and  I  were  going  to  be 
of  service  to  each  other,  and  that  I  had  complete  confidence 
in  him.  Please  do  not  ask  me  to  go  any  further  into  de 
tails — just  now. 

[With  a  friendly  smile] 

My  dear  Farnham,  if  you  were  to  form  at  your  time  of 
life  the  fatal  habit  of  clinging  to  ruins,  and  of  refusing  to 
accept  what  has  irrevocably  taken  place,  there  is  no 
knowing  what  might  happen  to  you — and  to  your  art. 

FARNHAM 

Do  you  remember  that  you  used  to  call  yourself  a 
friend  of  mine? 
[He  speaks  half-heartedly,  and  seems  to  regret  having  spoken] 


146  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
[Distinctly] 

I  was  never  in  my  life  more  convinced  of  my  complete 
loyalty  to  you,  or  of  your  complete  faith  in  me.  I  was  not 
expecting  to  say  so  this  evening,  unless  to  you  alone,  but 
never  mind  that  now. 

FARNHAM 
[Rather  ruefully] 

I  suppose  that's  your  fantastic,  esoteric,  oriental  way 
of  telling  a  fellow  that  he  has  said  something  foolish.    I 
don't  say  it's  a  bad  way,  you  understand — 
[He  stops,  and  has  another  look  at  LUCAS,  who  smiles  in  approval] 

VILLA 

[Going  to  FARNHAM  and  putting  her  hands  on  his  arms] 
You  needn't  try  to  be  angry  any  longer,  for  I  can  see  by 
the  look  in  your  eyes  that  you  can't. 

[Shaking  him  a  little  and  beginning  to  laugh] 
You  ought  not  to  be  angry,  for  you  are  so  glad  to  get  rid 
of  me  that  you  don't  know  what  to  do  with  yourself. 
You  may  tell  me  that  I  ought  not  to  say  so,  but  you  can't 
put  the  words  back  into  my  mouth — 'cause  I've  got  my 
teeth  together. 

[She  shows  her  teeth  and  laughs  at  him] 

FARNHAM 

[Taking  her  hands  and  smiling] 
I  don't  remember  having  said  that  I  was  angry. 
[He  pushes  her  away  gently] 


ACT  III  147 

VILLA 

[Putting  her  hands  behind  her  and  laughing] 
There  was  no  need  of  your  saying  it. 

FARNHAM 

[Drily] 

Then  that  must  have  been  the  reason  why  I  didn't  say 
it. 

[Pause] 

But  don't  you  think  that  I  had  just  the  slightest  conceiv 
able  reason  for  being — for  being  a  trifle  annoyed,  we'll  say? 

VILLA 

[With  feline  demur eness] 
Well,  I  rather  suppose  you  did. 

[Looking  at  him  brightly] 
But  it's  all  over  now,  isn't  it? 

FARNHAM 
[Trying  not  to  laugh] 

And  so  you  find  your  escape  from  me  a  very  simple 
matter. 

[With  mild  sarcasm] 

It  seems  to  be  one  of  the  prerogatives  of  womankind  to 
discover  now  and  then  that  some  problems  are  very  simple. 

VILLA 

[She  looks  at  LUCAS,  then  for  a  longer  time  at  VAN  ZORN,  who  still 
remains  by  the  fire,  and  finally  at  FARNHAM  again] 

And  that  others  are  very  difficult. 

[FARNHAM  glances  at  VAN  ZORN,  who  stands  looking  at  the  burn 
ing  coals.    There  is  a  pause,  which  is  broken  by  the  ringing 


148  VAN  ZORN 

of  the  bell.    FARNHAM  admits  OTTO,  who  stands  for  a  time 
in  meek  bewilderment  after  looking  from  one  to  the  other] 

OTTO 
I — I  saw  the  light,  and  so  I  came  over — from  Pethrick's. 

FARNHAM 
[Drily  amused} 

Of  course  you  did,  Otto.  That  was  the  right  thing  for 
you  to  do.  We  have  all  seen  the  light,  even  if  we  haven't 
all  come  over  from  Pethrick's. 

[Patting  his  shoulder} 

Now  take  a  look  around  you,  little  friend,  and  tell  us  what 
you  see  besides  the  light. 

OTTO 

[Looking  from  LUCAS  to  VILLA] 
Oh — good  evening. 

[He  plays  with  his  hat} 
I  saw  the  light,  and  so  I  came  over, 
[To  LUCAS]  v 
Did  you  see  the  light,  Phcebus,  and  did  you  come  over? 

LUCAS 

[Avoiding  over-confidence} 

Yes,  Otto,  I  may  be  said  to  have  seen  the  light,  and  to 
have  come  over — though  not  from  Pethrick's. 

OTTO 

[With  a  long  sigh} 
That's  illuminating,  and  I  thank  you  kindly. 


ACT  III  149 

[He  looks  at  VAN  ZORN,  who  smiles  and  nods] 

Good  evening. 

[To  VILLA] 

Are  you  sure  that  I'm  not  in  the  way? 

[He  makes  a  puzzled  grimace  and  looks  at  FARNHAM,  who  grins] 

VILLA 

[Laughing  nervously] 

We  are  sure  of  one  thing,  Otto,  and  that  is  that  you  are 
not  very  cordial  with  your  old  friends.  Aren't  you  going 
to  congratulate  me  on  my  engagement  to  George  Lucas? 
We  are  going  to  be  married — sometime. 

OTTO 

[After  a  stupefied  pause] 
Are  you? 
[He  looks  again  from  one  to  another,  and  finally  addresses  VAN 

ZORN] 

I  knew  this  afternoon  that  something  was  going  to  happen. 
Of  course  it  was  none  of  my  business,  but  you — you  under 
stand  me,  I'm  sure. 

[He  wipes  his  forehead  with  his  handkerchief] 

FARNHAM 

[With  lingering  sarcasm] 

We  understand  you,  Otto.  You  saw  the  light  and  you 
came  over.  Everything  has  been  explained,  and  we  are 
all  going  to  try  to  be  happy. 

OTTO 

[Looking  again  from  one  to  another,  and  beginning  to  beam] 
Do  you  know,  Farnham,  that  I — that  I  rather  like  this? 


150  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 
I'm  glad  to  hear  you  say  so,  Otto.   We  study  to  please. 

OTTO 

[To  VAN  ZORN,  who  appears  to  be  mildly  amused] 
Do  you  like  this? 

VAN  ZORN 

It  has  my  unqualified  approval.     In  addition,  it  was 
undoubtedly  inevitable. 

OTTO 

[With  an  air  of  discovery] 
Doesn't  that  make  it  all  the  better? 

VAN  ZORN 

I  am  sure  that  you  have  every  reason  to  congratulate 
your  friends  on  their  mutual  good  fortune. 

OTTO 

[After  shaking  hands,  rather  suddenly,  with  VILLA  and  LUCAS] 
Farnham,  old  man,  the  more  I  think  of  this,  the  better 
I  like  it.    There's  a — there's  a  kind  of  destiny  about  it. 

FARNHAM 
[Patting  Otto's  shoulder] 
Otto,  we  can  always  look  to  you  for  the  right  word. 

[Wearily,  with  a  mild  trace  of  venom] 

I've  been  trying  to  think  of  that  word  "destiny"  all  the 
evening. 


ACT  III  151 

VILLA 

[Giving  FARNHAM  her  hand] 

And  I  have  been  trying  to  think  of  something  more  to 
say  to  you,  Weldon,  but  somehow  I  can't  just  now.  So  I 
think  George  had  better  take  me  home.  And  then,  I  sup 
pose  I'll  have  a  talk  with  .  .  . 

[She  sighs] 

FARNHAM 

[With  an  unfeeling  grin] 
With  Auntie? 

VILLA 
Yes,  with  Auntie. 

[She  breaks  into  childish  laughter] 

Poor  Auntie! 

[Pause] 

Well,  good  night.  I  won't  say  good-bye,  for  that  would 
be  too  solemn. 

FARNHAM 

[Holding  her  hand] 
Good  night.    And  I  hope  you  will  be  very  happy. 

[Shaking  hands  with  LUCAS] 

Good  night,  George, — and  my  congratulations.    You  will 
excuse  me  if  I  don't  make  a  speech. 

VILLA 

[To  VAN  ZORN,  who  comes  forward] 
Good  night. 
[She  gives  him  her  hand  and  looks  at  him  as  if  a  little  frightened] 


152  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
[Holding  her  hand] 
Good  night. 

[They  look  into  each  other's  eyes  for  some  time.  She  leaves  him 
slowly  and  moves  towards  the  door.  He  returns  to  his  former 
place  by  the  fire,  after  speaking  with  LUCAS] 

VILLA 

[While  LUCAS  is  shaking  hands  with  VAN  ZORN] 
Good  night,  Otto. 

OTTO 

[Still  bewildered] 

Good  night.  I  don't  think  I'll  make  a  speech  either. 
On  the  contrary  I  may  as  well  go  home  to  my  mousy 
garret,  light  my  guttering  candle,  and  work  away  for  a 
while  at  my  popular  song. 

VILLA 
[Laughing 

But  you  never  told  me  that  you  were  writing  a  popular 
song.  How  does  it  go,  and  what  is  it  about? 

OTTO 

[Solemnly] 
It's  a  sad  story,  and  it  doesn't  go  very  fast. 

[Doubtfully] 

And  it  may  not  be  altogether  appropriate  to  the  present 
auspicious  occasion. 

VILLA 
[Laughing 
Oh,  yes  it  is — perfectly.    How  does  it  go,  Otto? 


ACT  III  153 

OTTO 

[Scratching  his  ear  thoughtfully] 
I've  only  got  four  lines  of  it. 
[He  appears  to  be  reading  them  from  the  inside  of  his  hat] 

VILLA 

[Shaking  him] 
But  how  do  they  go? 

OTTO 

They  go  like  this: 

[He  repeats  the  following  lines  with  comical  solemnity,  punctuating 
them  with  sharp  pauses] 

Oh,  long  shall  we  remember  the  dark  days  that  followed 

then, 

And  how  our  faith  in  truth  and  honor  sank; 
For  we  knew  the  dear  old  home  would  never  be  the  same 

again, 
When  Father  robbed  the  baby's  little  bank. 

LUCAS 
[Laughing] 
Can  you  keep  it  up  to  that  level,  Otto? 

OTTO 

[Scratching  his  ear] 
I  think  so. 

[With  owlish  innocence] 

But  of  course  you  understand  that  there's  nothing  pro 
phetic  about  it — nothing  personal.  I  wouldn't  have  any 
words  of  mine  cast  a  shadow  on  this  propitious  hour — no, 


154  VAN  ZORN 

not  even  if  my  friend  Farnham  were  to  give  me  a  small 
potion  of  his  Double  X  Rattlesnake  Rye  over  yonder. 

[He  nods  towards  the  bust  of  Shakespeare] 
I'm  delicate,  and  I  may  not  be  with  you  very  long. 

VILLA 

[To  FARNHAM,  laughing] 

Before  you  give  it  to  him,  I  think  it  will  be  safer  for  me 
to  go  away.  Good  night  again. 

[FARNHAM  goes  with  VILLA  and  LUCAS  to  the  -vestibule,  closing 
the  door  slowly  and  thoughtfully  as  he  returns.  OTTO,  in 
the  meantime,  has  gone  to  the  cabinet,  from  the  depths  of  which 
he  has  produced  a  bottle  of  whiskey.  VAN  ZORN,  standing 
by  the  fire,  watches  OTTO  with  a  look  of  abstracted  amusement] 

FARNHAM 
[Returning 

Well,  Otto,  you  seem  to  be  in  a  romantic  frame  of  mind 
this  evening.  You  aren't  unhappy,  are  you? 

OTTO 

[Wiping  his  lips] 
No,  I  don't  complain. 

FARNHAM 

[Patronizingly,  to  Van  ZORN! 

Otto  never  complains.  He  eats  his  crust  at  sunset,  and 
he  drains  his  cup  of  bitterness  without  so  much  as  making 
a  face.  Don't  you,  Otto? 


ACT  HI  155 

OTTO 

[Moving  towards  the  door] 

Don't  ask  me  to  talk  this  evening.  You  have  shaken 
me  up,  and  I'm  delicate.  I  may  be  on  my  way  to  eminence, 
or  I  may  be  merely  another  case  of  the  gods  seeing  other 
wise.  In  either  event,  it  will  be  all  right,  for  the  universe 
will  take  care  of  us  all.  Throw  on  my  grave  a  flower. 
Fare  you  well,  gentlemen  both,  and  peace  be  with  you. 

[Oxxo  lays  his  hand  on  his  heart,  bows  deferentially,  and  dis 
appears  slowly  and  silently] 

VAN  ZORN 
[Smiling  faintly] 
You  must  not  undervalue  that  youth,  Farnham. 

FARNHAM 

[Opening  the  cigar-box] 

I  shall  never  again  undervalue  anything  that  has  a 
destiny. 

[Holding  out  the  box] 

Here — have  a  cigar.    And  for  God's  sake  have  it  this  time 
or  you'll  make  me  peevish. 

VAN  ZORN 
Thank  you. 
[He  takes  a  match  from  Farnham  and  lights  his  cigar} 

FARNHAM 

[Lighting  his  cigar} 
I  suppose  Otto  has  a  destiny,  hasn't  he? 


156  VAN  ZORN 

VAN  ZORN 
[Drily] 

I  suppose  he  has. 

FARNHAM 

[Giving  him  a  queer  look] 
And  what  about  Lucas — and  his  destiny? 

[He  sits  down  and  invites  VAN  ZORN  to  take  the  large  chair  as 

before] 

VAN  ZORN 

[Calmly] 
I  don't  know  that  I  pretend  to  be  a  prophet, 

[FARNHAM  grins] 

but  I  should  venture  to  say  that  Lucas's  destiny  will  not 
be  altogether  a  bad  one.  Being  human  and  not  a  fool,  he 
must  in  the  nature  of  things  have  ambitions  that  he  will 
never  realize.  On  the  other  hand,  he  will  have  a  great  deal 
of  happiness,  I  believe. 

[Looking  earnestly  at  FARNHAM] 
But  neither  he  nor  I  can  have  what  you  are  going  to  have. 

[FARNHAM  begins  to  beam  with  approval  and  anticipation] 
I  won't  say  that  you  have  it  already 

[He  glances  toward  the  picture  and  scowls] 
— for  that  might  not  be  good  for  you  .  .  .  and  it  might  not 
be  true. 

FARNHAM 
[Affecting  modesty] 

You  may  be  within  a  gunshot  of  being  right,  but  this 
day's  work  doesn't  seem  to  be  very  promising — that  is, 
to  the  uninitiated. 


ACT  HI  157 

[Clasping  his  knee] 
I  suppose,  however,  that  you  feel  a  great  deal  better. 

VAN  ZORN 
Why  do  you  say  that? 

FARNHAM 
After  what  you  have  done? 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  frown] 
I  have  done  nothing.    I  thought  that  was  understood. 

FARNHAM 
[Laughing  a  little] 

Oh  yes,  you  have,  in  spite  of  your  cosmic  modesty. 
Haven't  you  cleared  the  air?  Haven't  you  raised  the 
curtain? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Apparently  after  some  hesitation] 

Would  you  talk  like  that,  Farnham,  if  you  knew  me  a 
little  better  ...  if  you  knew,  as  I  know,  what  I  have  lost? 

FARNHAM 

[With  a  trace  of  his  old  manner] 

We  have  things  before  we  lose  them.  That's  old,  I  know; 
but  I  believe  it's  true. 

VAN  ZORN 
[More  earnestly] 

Yes,  Farnham,  it  is  quite  true.  And  it  is  most  distinctly 
what  I  have  had  that  I  have  now  lost. 


158  VAN  ZORN 

FARNHAM 

[Puzzled] 
Go  on.    You  are  talking;  I'm  only  listening. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Very  distinctly] 

What  is  your  notion  of  the  best  thing  for  a  man  to  do 
when  he  has  lost  his  belief  that  he  has  something  to  live 
for? 

FARNHAM 

[Pretending  not  to  understand] 
Why,  that's  easy.    Find  something  new  to  live  for. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Getting  up  and  speaking  as  if  half  to  himself] 
There  may  be  a  certain  amount  of  wisdom  in  that.    And 
yet  you  do  not  wholly  understand  me. 

FARNHAM 

[With  unconscious  emphasis] 
And  who  the  devil  does? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Looking  steadily  at  FARNHAM] 
Do  you  know  what  it  is,  Farnham,  that  I  am  facing? 

FARNHAM 

[With  a  forced  laugh] 

You  are  facing  me,  for  the  moment.  I'm  not  much  to 
be  facing,  I  grant  you;  but  you  might  have  to  face  some 
thing  worse. 


ACT  III  159 

[With  a  glance  at  the  picture] 

The  deadliest  thing  about  me,  at  present,  seems  to  be  my 
ability  to  paint  pictures  like  that  one  over  there. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Becoming  more  and  more  serious] 

I  seem  to  be  facing  you,  Farnham,  but  the  truth  is  that 
I  am  facing  myself.  Whichever  way  I  look  now,  I  look 
forward  into  a  thousand  mirrors;  and  I  see  myself — only 
myself — Van  Zorn.  If  I  had  one  talent,  I  should  see  that; 
and  I  should  thank  God  for  it.  But  it  isn't  there.  There 
is  nothing  there  but — Van  Zorn. 

[He  smokes  for  a  time  in  thought] 

Farnham,  do  you  wonder  that  there  are  people  in  this  world 
who  howl  about  property?  .  .  .  Yes;  my  property,  if 
you  like. 

FARNHAM 
[Laughing] 

Good!  That  sounds  as  if  the  yeast  were  beginning  to 
work.  You  needn't  worry;  you'll  find  something  to  live 
for. 

[Getting  up  and  stretching  himself  comfortably] 
Why  don't  you  begin  by  tearing  down  a  row  of  rotten 
tenements — just  for  the  fun  of  it — and  putting  up  some 
thing — oh,  something  sanitary  and  ornamental?  Then 
the  tired  father  could  come  home  and  cleanse  his  honest 
hide  in  a  white  enameled  bath-tub — only  of  course  he 
wouldn't, — and  after  dinner  the  entire  family  could  sit 
around  a  gilded  radiator  and  sing  songs  by  the  most 
eminent  composers,  as  Otto  would  say,  of  their  native 
land. 


l6o  VAN  ZORN 

[Laughing] 

Hear  me,  Norma,  but  don't  excite  yourself.    You  are  still 
young,  and  there's  going  to  be  no  end  of  time. 

VAN  ZORN 
[With  a  dutiful  smile] 
There  is  something  in  what  you  say. 

FARNHAM 

[With  easy  patronage] 

You  bet  there  is.  And  then  there  is  always  this  "  busi 
ness"  of  yours:  "Van  Zorn  and  Lucas,  the  eminent 
comedians."  Don't  you  see  that,  when  you  look  forward 
into  your  thousand  mirrors? 

VAN  ZORN 
{Looking  down] 
Yes,  I  see  it.    The  business  will  succeed. 

FARNHAM 
To  be  sure. 

[Becoming  over-confident] 

Van  Zorn,  from  whom  all  blessings  flow,  do  you  realize 
that  we  are  beaten  by  Old  Hundred? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Gravely] 
I  don't  like  your  word — beaten. 

FARNHAM 
[Piqued  but  persistent] 
Neither  do  I, — but  I  didn't  invent  it,  and  I  won't  say  it 


ACT  III  161 

again.  But  I  should  like  to  ask  you  one  question.  When 
you  came  in  this  evening,  you  said  something  about  your 
destiny  being  a  very  good  destiny;  and  you  said,  also,  that 
it  had  encountered — I  think  that  was  your  word — one 
that  was  better.  Now,  if  I  have  a  right  to  ask  the  question, 
I  wish  you  would  be  good  enough  to  tell  me  what  the  devil 
Lucas  was  doing  this  afternoon  at  Mrs.  Lovett's. 

VAN  ZORN 

He  came  to  tell  Miss  Vannevar  that  he  was  going 
west,  and  to  say  good-bye. 

FARNHAM 
Going  west — eh? 

[Excited  but  satirical} 

And  if  you  hadn't  kept  Lucas  from  going  west — whatever 
that  means — I  suppose  you  would  have  been  contented 
for  all  time  with  your — your  one  interview. 

VAN  ZORN 
[After  some  deliberation] 

If  Lucas  had  gone — west, — you  would  still  have  re 
covered  your  ring. 

[They  look  at  each  other  until  Farnham  shrugs  his  shoulders  and 
looks  at  the  floor] 

When  Lucas  changed  his  mind  about  going,  he  was  not 
in  any  manner  influenced  by  the  ring  or  by  the  person  who 
wore  it. 

[Pause] 

But  why  say  more  about  that? 


162  VAN  ZORN 

[His  last  words  come  rather  thickly;  he  moves  away  and  finally 
remains  standing  before  the  picture} 

By  the  way,  Farnham,  what  are  you  going  to  do  with 
this  picture? 

FARNHAM 

[Drily] 
You  speak  as  if  you  wanted  it  yourself. 

VAN  ZORN 
Will  you  give  it  to  me? 

[He  is  evidently  in  earnest] 

FARNHAM 
[Cynically] 
Yes,  take  it.    Take  everything  in  sight. 

VAN  ZORN 
[Thoughtfully] 

I  could  almost  believe  that  this  picture  was  painted  for 
me — without  your  knowledge. 

FARNHAM 

[Drily] 
More  destiny? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Taking  a  small  knife  from  his  pocket] 
I  don't  know  what  else  to  call  it. 
[He  begins  to  cut  the  head  and  shoulders  from  the  canvas] 

FARNHAM 

[Going  quickly  towards  him] 
Here!    What  do  you  think  you  are  doing? 


ACT  III  163 

VAN  ZORN 
[Cutting  diligently] 
I  am  getting  rid  of  one  of  the  most  insincere 

[Cuts] 
and  exasperating 

[Cuts] 
bits  of  charlatanry 

[Cuts] 

that  man's  eyes  have  ever  looked  on.  I  am  doing  it  partly 
for  the  good  of  your  artistic  conscience,  and  partly  for 
reasons  of  my  own. 

FARNHAM 
[Unable  to  protest] 
All  right,  the  thing  is  yours. 

[With  cynical  observation] 

But  I  suppose  you  know  that  you  are  disintegrating 
twenty-five  hundred  dollars  worth  of  high  art? 

VAN  ZORN 

[Throwing  the  piece  of  canvas  into  the  fire] 
Is  that  your  figure? 

FARNHAM 

For  the  present,  yes.  And  therefore  it  seems  to  me  that 
your  eccentric  little  ingle-flame  over  there  is  just  a  bit 
extravagant. 

VAN  ZORN 

[Punching  the  burning  canvas  with  the  poker] 
I  shouldn't  worry  about  that  if  I  were  you.    We  are 
living  in  an  extravagant  age. 


1 64  VAN  ZORN 

[He  puts  away  the  poker  and  stands  watching  the  fire.  At  length 
he  turns  to  FARNHAM  and  speaks  with  a  subdued  intensity 
and  a  new  emphasis] 

It  is  your  age,  Farnham,  and  you  had  better  not  play  with 
it. 

[Slowly] 

If  I  were  you,  I  should  try  to  meet  it  half  way. 

[VAN  ZORN  throws  his  cigar  into  the  fire  and  stands  looking  at 
the  smouldering  canvas,  holding  his  hands  behind  him.  FARN 
HAM  goes  toward  him  slowly,  holds  out  his  hand  and  looks 
for  a  moment  into  VAN  ZORN'S  eyes.  VAN  ZORN  takes 
his  handy  lets  it  go,  and  continues  to  look  down  into  the  fire] 

FARNHAM 

[Embarrassed  and  with  evident  regret] 

I'm  sorry,  old  fellow,  but  I  didn't  quite  ...  I  didn't 
realize  that  you  were  quite  so  much  in  earnest. 

[VAN  ZORN  makes  no  reply,  but  remains  looking  at  the  fire.  FARN 
HAM  sits  down  on  the  edge  of  the  window-seat  and  looks 
thoughtfully  at  the  floor  before  him.  Finally  he  looks  again 
at  Van  Zorn,  and  a  slow  incredulous  smile  comes  over  his 
face.  Then  he  shrugs  his  shoulders,  as  if  he  was  still  in 
doubt  about  something,  and  the  curtain  falls  slowly.] 


THE  END 


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